Grief

Today is the 3rd anniversary of the loss of my uncle.  I thought I post some of my favorite quotes about grief today.  There are so many that touch me and express the thing that I have a hard time putting into words.  I still miss my uncle a lot and three years later I am still a little teary over him.

"It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things."
— Lemony Snicket (Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid)  

"Grief, a type of sadness that most often occurs when you have lost someone you love, is a sneaky think, because it can disappear for a long time, and then pop back up when you least expect it."
— Lemony Snicket (Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid) 

"Life is full of grief, to exactly the degree we allow ourselves to love other people."
— Orson Scott Card 

"And no matter what anybody says about grief and about time healing all wounds, the truth is, there are certain sorrows that never fade away until the heart stops beating and the last breath is taken."
— Tiffanie DeBartolo 

"It's like when someone dies, the initial stages of grief seem to be the worst. But in some ways, it's sadder as time goes by and you consider how much they've missed in your life. In the world."
— Emily Giffin (Something Borrowed)

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A sickly moment of dark surprise

The other day was my uncle's birthday, the one who died from cancer in 2007.  He would have been 61.  I still miss him as does my family.  It's hard sometimes.  Sometimes I am still surprised by how much I miss him.  I've had other family members die, grandparents, other aunt, a cousin, but I don't miss them the way I do him.  I guess because I didn't see them often.  But I saw my uncle almost every week.  His is the first death that effected my everyday life.  I try to think of the things that we used to talk about or the stories he would tell.  I wish he could see how Bub is growing up and I think they would like each other.  I don't know.  I just feel sad about it still.  He was a good man and it was a shame he had to go when he did.   We all still miss him and love him and I hope he knows that.

"It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things."
— Lemony Snicket (Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid)

A Tribute...

So yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of my favorite uncle's death.  It's hard to believe that it's been two years.  My uncle was married to my aunt (my father's sister) for 25 years, but he was my dad's best friend for almost 50 years.  I know that my dad still feels the loss of his friend as to the rest of us.  I still miss a lot and sometimes I find myself thinking about something I want to say to him or show him and then I remember.

My uncle died of pancreatic cancer on Thanksgiving two years ago.  He waited until we were all together as a family which was really just like him.  He had been sick for almost 6 months when he died, but he had been a wheelchair for a very long time.  A motorcycle accident left him paralyzed from the waist down and he had a lot of health problems as a result so it might have been a relief to him, I don't know.  I don't say that meanly but when you've been as sick as he was, I imagine the loss of that pain to be a relief.

By Thanksgiving he wasn't lucid and was actually in a coma at the time.  But a few days before we visited him (he was at home) and talked for a little while.  He loved my little boy who loved him back and I know my uncle loved seeing him (the boy wasn't a year yet) so he got to hold him a little.  And as we were leaving he said told me to take care of that boy and I said I always would and then we said our I love yous and that was the last conversation I ever had with him.  But I keep it in my heart as I keep my uncle in my heart.