Eighteen months

Button is 18 months now and I don't usually mark her monthly anniversary dates after 12 months. Mostly I just start to look forward to giving her age in years. But 18 months is a bigger deal for me than say 15 or 20 only because it is the halfway point of the 1 year stage, the last stage where they are more baby than child despite the toddler tag that's been attached since 12 months old. One year olds still make remarkable development leaps and bounds. Not quite as drastic as newborn to 1 year but still there is a big difference between a 12 month old and a 24 month old. Walking, running, words and phrases, it all happens and happens quickly during the one year age. So now she is 18 months old and at the halfway point to becoming a 2 year old. It's amazing the progress she's made in the last 6 months. Walking at 15 months. She just learned to climb on the sofa and ottoman. She's started reaching for hands to cross parking lots and streets, something Bub never did. The other day she reached for both my hand and her brother's to cross a field. It was pretty adorable. The amount of words and phrases she knows is astounding. We can carry on a mini conversation sometimes. And even if she can't say the words she understands so much of what I say. She loves her brother so much. She follows him around just as I predicted. And he gets annoyed with her also as I predicted. But he takes care of her too and they love it each other. She loves the dogs way too much. And they tolerate her as much as they can. They are good dogs.

Her hair is almost long enough to put in a tiny ponytail and it is curly like I wanted though still blond for no good reason. She is a pretty little girl. I love her face and her tiny little self with her no longer chubby thighs but her round little belly. She reminds me of Bub. Sometimes it is hard to remember him at that age. But I look at her and I remember. And I look at him and I realize that she will be that big one day. It all goes by too too fast. Even if it is a cliche to say, it is still true.

I wonder what the next 6 months have in store. Her 18th (closer to 19th)  month checkup is next month and I am hoping she's gained some weight and the doctor will finally start to leave us alone about how small she is. I'm hoping she will have less separation anxiety when it comes to me. Lately she's been really clingy and I wonder if going to all the daycares has made her paranoid because she isn't that way with BT. Maybe it's because I see her a lot less. Who knows how the mind of a wee one works? I have to say that I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next. And I have to remind myself to enjoy the free hugs and the baby kisses and the general smallness of her. It goes away faster than I want to admit.

Soda Pop

I've decided to give up soda. Again. I gave it up once when I was 16 and didn't drink it for 10 years or so. Well, total truth, I think I drank Sprite. Basically I gave up caffeinated sodas. I wasn't a fan of being addicted to something and once I realized that I was addicted to caffeine, I gave it up. I did so well for so long. And then I got pregnant and had a craving for Mr. Pibb. So I would have a small glass a day.  But later that lead to drinking it more and more. I've given it up off and on since then. But earlier this week I realized that 1. I don't need to be drinking as much soda as I do now and 2. It's too expensive to be buying it all the time. Right now I'm not thinking of giving up caffeine altogther or anything because that's crazy especially with the coffee and sweet tea that I love. I'm thinking I'm going to give up caffeinated sodas to start. It's seems reasonable and I need to get back to drinking more water anyway. If I slip and have one now and again no big deal but I don't want it to be a daily habit anymore. If I can't seem to get out of bed to exercise right now, then this is the something that I know I can do.

Banned Books Week Read-Out

You'd think I would have posted about this at the beginning of the week rather than the end. But this week was Banned Books Week, a week to celebrate books that have been challenged or banned and to bring to light how often and pervasive book banning can be. A lot of libraries have read-out where they invite the public to get together and read passages from banned books. Or at least that's how my library has celebrated it for the past 2 years. Our read-out was Tuesday. I really hate getting up and speaking in front of people but I managed to get it done. And somehow I decided to read the passage from Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel, one of my favorite books, when Tita breastfeeds her nephew. I had originally picked out a section when Tita's crying into the wedding cake makes everyone cry and get sick, but it seemed too tame. Then I thought about reading the part where her other sister is taken by the solider but in the end I compromised between the two and went for the breastfeeding. Because I could see someone objecting to it. It fairly well and I was only somewhat embarrassed.

There wasn't a huge turnout though. I think the first year is always the best and it was pretty hot out. There were a few students taking notes because I am betting they will get extra points for showing up. But not that many faculty came which is a disappointment. The head of the English Department came and that was nice. All in all it lasted an hour and I think it was nice. It was a good way to celebrate Banned Books Week at any rate.

Light in their eyes

One of my new coworkers has a 2 year old girl. I met her the other day. Afterward I was telling BT about it. And I was telling him about the light that a lot parents get in their eye when they hear I have an 18 month old when they have a toddler who is older than mine. They get this gleam in their eyes like they know more than me. Like they can't wait to say "well, when so and so was that age" or "wait till she hits this age!" I know because I'm pretty sure I get it too. But the funny part is really when they hear I have a 6 year old. They look a little deflated. Their moment have a parenting superiority is over and by a lot. Because I have not only managed to survive baby years but I've done it twice. And I've already made it past the toddler years once and I'm working on the second time. BT knew what I was talking about. He's seen it too. So it's not just me.

But it's a natural thing, I think, to want to flaunt your ability to keep your kid alive and relatively happy for a decent length of time, well, basically any length of time. It's not any easy thing to do. And surviving year one is really something as is surviving year two and every year after that.

It's also funny that parents of pre/teens will generally just roll their eyes at you and basically tell you that you ain't seen nothing yet. I believe them. Because I know I haven't.

Worthwhile

Homework is a serious source of frustration at my house. Serious. It's hard to get an ADHD child to focus on his work. He needs to move. He needs to tell me as many stories as he can rather than write his spelling words. He needs to complain about how much work he has to do. I get it. I do. But I just want to get through it, to get it over with and done. I don't have the best attitude about homework frankly. And I know I'm suppose to be the example and to be his cheerleader. I try. I do. But it's frustrating. And on top of that, I've got Button who is either upset that most of the attention is being paid to big brother and so cries for my attention and then proceeds to get into everything in the pencil box when I pick her up. Or she realizes that she is not the center of attention and proceeds to use that time to wreak havoc while my attention is focused elsewhere. Case in point last night we were doing fairly well going through homework (why does a 1st grader have so much?). She realizes this is her moment and decides to go through the liquor cabinet, pulling out crystal candle holders and gnawing on the candles. And every time I said her name, she smiled and put them back... until I looked back to Bub. Then she'd do it again. She was pretty pissed when I put a hair band around the knobs so she couldn't open it anymore.

I honestly really need another adult home at night. I'm not sure how single moms do it all the time. I have such respect for them. Because even though 5 out 7 nights I'm on my own with them, BT is there for the other 2 nights and that really helps out. Both for the kids and my sanity. But that hasn't happened yet so wishing does me no good. It also doesn't help that Button is the littlest bully. I had to put her to bed last night so the dogs could eat. Because she took the bowl away from the big dog and then went and kicked the bowl the little dog was eating from out of his way. She is a mess. That's the thing about toddlers. You can't turn your back for a second but I feel like I'm either ignoring one or the other. If I focus on her all the time, then Bub gets neglected and I don't want that. I guess that's a balance most mothers of two or more have to find. Spending enough time with each child but not ignoring the other. A lot of moms worry about not loving the second one as much as the first. Because how can you love someone that much and turn around and do it again? You just can. That was never my worry. I knew I had enough love to go around. My worry was and still is time. How to find enough time when there isn't much to go around already. I have 3 hours at night for suppers, baths, homework, bedtime stories. I need a time turner or something.

But despite these frustrations and more to come as she gets older and starts to have activities too plus school in 3/4 years, it is all worthwhile. Even when I have had enough of them and wishing the age of safe haven laws extended beyond 30 days, the hugs and kisses and the I love you Moms make up for it. I remember one time when Bub was being ridiculous and we'd had enough of him. Then he turned around and threw his arms around me and gave me a kiss.  And BT said "There he goes, making it all worthwhile."