Happy 2015 or something

Holy smokes! I didn't realize how much time had gone by since I last wrote. I hope your New Year got off to a great start. Ours was less than ideal.

The end of 2014 was brutal health-wise. Button has gotten the worst of it getting both strep throat and RSV at the end of November. I followed up by catching something from her. My guess is RSV but officially it was a sinus infection. That lasted essentially the month of December. Button then came down with the flu right before Christmas. And I have to say that the flu was the only thing that managed to keep that child down. Everything and everyone was looking better until Wednesday when her face started to swell and she began running fever. Had she just had the fever I probably wouldn't have worried so much but the swelling freaked me out. So yesterday I took her to Urgent Care after calling the on-call doctor who didn't really seem to know what to do. The Urgent Care doctor didn't know either sending us to the children's hospital ER. So that was a waste of an hour and a co-pay.

The ER doctor was more helpful but in the end I'm not convinced she entirely knew herself. Anyway, it was not a fun day at all. Traumatizing is the word I believe. At least BT was off to stay home with Bub because I could not have dealt with him too. Poor baby Button had to have an IV and a CT scan because they were afraid her glands might be abscessing. The CT scan was pretty horrible for us both. They had to wrap her up papoose style and strap her down so she would be still and she's crying and I'm crying and it was not okay. She calm down when they started and there were some stickers in the machine that interested her. They also drew a lot of blood so they placed a catheter in her hand for that and also to give her fluids. They seemed pretty convinced that she wasn't eating or drinking but they were wrong. Her appetite is essentially the same as usual.  Anyway, something kept going wrong when they tested the blood drawn out of her hand so the phlebotomist came in and drew some blood out of her arm. All in all, Button filled 9 vials for the hospital. Finally the doctor came back and said she thought it was parotiditis, the swelling of the salivary gland. Somehow Button managed to get an infection and that is what is causing the swelling. They think. 2 doses of intravenous antibodics and we were good to go. Well, that and a lot of tears and 1 interrupted nap and 5 hours.

Button was pretty much a champ about the whole thing. There was the breakdown about the IV and the one about the CT scan but who can blame her? It's scary enough for a lot of adults much less a 2 year old. But she handled it pretty well all in all. She didn't say much though most of the day which is unusual but once we got home she was herself again. To say she was not a fan of the hospital is an understatement. She was pretty cheerful leaving saying bye to everyone we meet on the way out. It helped that BT and Bub had come at the end and she had her big brother with her. So it looks like she's on the mend again. She'll have a follow-up with her regular doctor on Monday so she's out of daycare for the next 4 days. Hopefully this is it for my poor baby girl. I just hope that this is not an omen for 2015. It's definitely not how I pictured spending the first day of a new year.

Introspection on love

I read a book about three teenaged sisters the other day and in it one of the sisters says about their parents that they love each other more than they love their children.  I've been thinking about that.  I remember a few years ago a big deal being made about a journalist who said she loved her husband more than her children and then everyone freaked the hell out.  I think, in the end, no one wants to think that their own parents love someone else more than them.  Because then what does that really mean?  How can you birth someone and not love them best? But children are always expected to go out and find someone else to love and who they will no doubt love more than their parents and it is not only acceptable but encouraged.   Spouses are meant to be with you for the rest of your life.  I can see how someone would feel the way the journalist felt.

But down this line of though lay this: can I really say I love one more than the other?  No.  I can't say I love them equally, my husband and my child.  I can't really quantify the amount of love I have for them.  I love them differently and I love them hugely.  But one I expect to spend almost everyday of the rest of my life with, the other is eventually going to leave me and who I will only see for visits.  It is just that way.  At some point long ago I heard an expression: you're either a mother who is a wife or a wife who is a mother.  The idea of "wife who is a mother" horrified me and I decided to never be one.  But the truth is I am always both at the same time.  I cannot express how it is to love someone that you helped create, that is truly part of you.  But I have also chosen someone to love and that is something else altogether.

I have a problem

If you regularly read this, then you've notice that I can't stop playing with the look of my blog. I have a problem, an addiction if you will. I can't seem to find a template or a background that I like for this blog. I've settled on something for my book blog that even though it isn't quite right, I'm keeping until I find something that is or I buy or make something. But it looks good and is very clear. This blog though I have been searching and searching but nothing is quite right so I keep changing it, but I just want to find something right, that fits. I wanted something plaid to go with the name, but I've find nothing that completely appeals to me. I like a 3 column blog with a clear header. I like plaid, I like pink, but nothing too busy. I could change the name of the blog, but it took me forever to settle on Half Asleep in Plaid Pajamas and I like that name since I am half asleep most of the time. I could eliminate the pj part and just call it Half Asleep but I don't know if that is better or worse. Or I could call it Annie Kawaii like my twitter name and that might be cute and free me up from the burden of plaid. And I could find something really cute and maybe leave it alone. Hmmm.... well if this blog suddenly changes its name and look (once again), here was fair warning.

ETA: So after I wrote this blog, I made a new background and header. Yes, I made it so I could have something I liked. We'll see how long this last, but I think it came out pretty good.

Cake is SRS BSNS

Okay, I let me explain the cake thing at my work. Supervisor buys for employee, and it apparently very serious business. I didn't even want to be a part of it, but they LOVE their cake so whatever. I got away with doing cake but not having to do lunch on my birthday which was nice. And I'm going to continue to avoid lunch even though my supervisor keeps asking since we didn't go and my PT assistant demanded it on my birthday. But if you understood the extreme awkwardness of both my assistants AND my supervisor and how deadening spending an hour in a social situation with them would be, you'd forgive my meanness. I'm trying to avoid situations where I want to stab myself with a fork. That is why I quit my old job.

So my PT assistant's birthday is at the end of the month. He has apparently already demanded of MY supervisor a cake and a lunch. I was just asked if I was going to do either or neither or one. I said I'd do the cake but not lunch. We don't have the cash to be flinging around on a lunch (which I've been told might cost a lot since last year he got lunch for himself + dessert + dinner for both he and his mom + dessert for the two of them (he has NO social skills and doesn't understand that it's not right to do stuff like that)) and the horror of lunch with them is just ... NO... just NO.

I like a workplace that doesn't force birthdays down everyone's throat. It's nice to do stuff like that with people you like and because you WANT to, not because you HAVE to. My old job had three really good friends and we did cakes, but rarely lunches or anything like that. But it was nice and I know that they did it from the heart and not because they felt forced.

I worry actually about the cake obsession at this place. It is not healthy to stress that much about cake.