A week without running

I got a new tattoo on my ankle on Friday last week. I'm very excited about it. It hurt like hell. You always forget how much is actually hurts but the pain goes away fairly quickly so I can live through 45 minutes. It is beautiful and I'm very happy with it.

Wait let me backtrack since I haven't written here in a while. About a year ago I wrote that I had started working out again. I didn't go into much detail and I haven't because I've been afraid that if I started writing about it then I would stop and I'd be a failure all over again. But for the most part I've stuck with it over this year. The last six months of 2015 I mostly stuck to my same old routine, indoor video workouts and that was fine. I lost a little weight and was feeling healthy and better about my body. But Christmas came and the same thing that always happens happened. I stopped. For about 6 weeks, I didn't do much of anything. I think I had gotten bored with the same old. But about mid-January I thought alright, let's do this again and after much discussion decided to do the Couch to 5K program. There were some logistics to work out but I started with just walking outside. I like to work up to things. I did that for a few weeks until I started to get antsy to start running and then I thought What the hell and started the program. I was trying to wait out until I was back from vacation but when it's time, it's time. Truth is it was brutal at first. But my husband was a cross country track star in high school and he gave me some pointers and I figured out my breathing was all wrong and had a lot to do with why I hated running so much. So I stuck with it and finished it which is really one of the prouder moments of my life. We did a "fun run" around my birthday and that really was fun and we are planning on a few more 5ks. Because, oh yeah, my running inspired my husband to get back to it! The amount of time we spend talking about running in my house is ridiculous. I'm pretty sure most people would be bored by our conversations. I digress. So the point is that I'm a runner now. I'm working my way up to a half marathon but am now running an 8k training program to move onto a 10k program to move on to a 13.1 program.

Back to the tattoo. Super excited, showing it off to family and friends and, as I'm talking to one of them and he mentions going to the gym, it dawns on me. I can't run with this while it's healing. Fuck. Not only that I can't do much of any outdoor activities or things that will make me sweat. Fuck fuck. Why it didn't occur to me before I'll never know. I knew no swimming. It's why I waited until after a trip to the beach to get it. But no bike riding. Part of running training is cross training, swimming/biking/etc. So all my cross training in the outdoors for what a Google search told me was at least 5 to 7 days was a no go. Fuck fuck fuck. I'm not going to mess up something permanently inked into my body in pursuit of something that honestly can hold off for a bit. I thought okay well I'll spend the week hitting my weaker areas like yoga and Pilates and do some exercise videos. But other than Sunday when I actually did Pilates I haven't been doing a good job. Somehow I can get up before dawn to run but can't make myself get up for yoga. Is a week off going to kill me? No. I feel lazy but other than that I'll be fine. Part of me worries that I'll never go back. But that part is stupid and should shut up. I really love running. I'm not the best but I'm getting better. I have a goal and a plan and I don't want to give it up. So I won't. Maybe a week without running will make me stronger. I guess we'll see the next time I get to lace up.

Four gifts

This is the year I decided to try the four gifts thing I've seen on Pinterest. I thought it would be a good way to organize their presents from us and also provide some structure. I'm hoping this is an idea that will stick around. And since I'm in charge of most of the gifting around here, it probably will. Santa is bringing them each 3 presents, 1 big and 2 small, and a gift for the family. So it should be a successful Christmas. 
When I first ran the idea past BT, he seemed suspicious. His family is fairly intense about Christmas. As long as it doesn't include Santa presents then he was fine with it. The Something They Want, Wear and Read was easy. I had them circle the toy catalogs when they came in for Santa presents and picked something out for the Want. Clothes, they always need especially as they both had growth spurts recently. And, of course, I have the Read covered (Bub is getting the illustrated Harry Potter and I am super excited about it). It was the Need that stumped me. After all, if they need something I usually just buy it. I did an internet search for ideas and didn't really find many. Bub has ended up with a soccer goal and Button with shoes. Both things they need in different ways and I'm hoping having his own goals will inspire him to practice more.

I should start making a list of Needs all year round so I 'll have ideas for next year. It was after I finished the list that I thought that rain boots would have been a cute idea for the two of them and maybe rain coats. Oh well. There's always the Easter bunny.

Pants on Fire

So I didn't follow through at all on the BEDN. Oh well. I didn't really try. That's okay. I'm trying out the motto "It is what it is." It seems applicable to so many things these days. The truth is I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety these days including having some panic attacks. This is a new thing for me. I've always been a worrier but never had such physical symptoms. Don't worry. I'm going to see a doctor next week. It could be related to the tinnitus I've been experiencing for the same amount of time or the tinnitus could be a result of the anxiety. I don't know. I'm working on it. I'm trying to figure out what the triggers are. Feelings of losing something seem to play a part in all of it. Lose of job and income or losing friends have become an general worry for me despite the fact that there is almost no need to worry about any of it. Whatever happens happens and all those clichés. So those are some of the things I didn't want to talk about before. I'm not one to open up about these types of things. It's not in my nature but it's nice to admit them in the open even to the 3 people that may or may not read this. It sucks in a way to need constant reassurance from others that they love me or need me or whatever. It feels needy. But I think everyone wants to hear it sometimes and sometimes you need it more than others. I told my friend, who is going through a rough time, the other day that she was awesome. She said that she hasn't been lately but I'm awesome for saying it. And I replied "We all have things. You just have one right now." It seems I'm having a thing right now too. But everything is going to be okay. I firmly believe that.

Something something

Not doing too well on this BEDN, am I? I can't seem to find the motivation for much these days. I did start working on my 2016 calendar so that's a good creative outlet. Tomorrow I'll try for a real post. Maybe I can mine something I've done in the past for ideas.

BEDN

I had thought I would blog everyday in November. I don't do NaNoWriMo but I can blog. But I missed yesterday so oops. I don't really have a topic for today but as I said last week I'd like to pick up a few things I've been missing lately. We had a lot of rainy weather this weekend continuing into today and that always makes me feel blah. It's incredibly quiet around my office and I think I need some noise or something.

We had a fun Halloween. On Friday, in what is becoming an annual thing, we hung out at the across-the-street neighbor's house with her, her daughters, grandchildren and a few of the other neighbors going trick-or-treating and then hanging outside. It was a good time. Then it started raining on Saturday and hasn't stopped. Bub was suppose to have a soccer tournament but it got pushed back. It was a quiet weekend and I watched 4 movies on Sunday which is almost unheard of but it was very relaxing. I think I needed a relaxing day and torrents of rain will do that. I'm looking forward to some sunshine whenever that comes around again.