Sleep tight

Apparently 2 year sleep regression is a real thing and I was unaware of it until now. Time has provided enough distance between Bub's 2 year phases that I've forgotten some of the things he did. Was he as destructive as her? Endless energetic? Dramatic? I'm sure the answer was yes or mostly yes. I feel like she is next level toddler.  He's a pretty chill dude all around and she is so... determined. Anyway. Sleeping.

Recently she stopped wanting to go to bed and just started screaming bloody murder when she was put down. I thought it was her 2 year molars but then nothing happened back there so now I'm not sure if they are coming or not right now. But Google tells me that there is something called 2 year sleep regression. Basically around this age is when they start exerting even more independence (that's possible?) and want to control their circumstances even more. It was suggested to letting her control as much of her nightly routine. We already let her pick her books and I'll let her "brush" her teeth after I do it first. She wanted to go to bed with a book and turn on her flashlight friend to "read" by. Fine, that's fine. Then she didn't want to do that and screamed when her flashlight was turned on. And then screamed when it was off. And then screamed when her butterfly was on and then off and she has way too many nighttime toys but she loves them all. She was stalling. I'm not a fan of the cry it out method but I use it. I hate hearing her crying but there are only so many times I can go in there before it becomes her crying to get me into the room. And she's almost 2 so it's not biological necessity bringing it on. It's her own manipulations.

We've been discussing transitioning to a toddler bed for a few months now and in the end we decided to wait til she was at least 2. But with her recent sleeping issues it was decided to convert her bed to a toddler bed. It was pretty easily done since it only required removing one side of the crib and lowering her mattress all the way down. Since we didn't get the toddler railing I put a pool noodle under her sheet and mattress pad to prevent her falling out (a Pinterest idea that has worked really well so far). Lo and behold, she's been pretty happy about it. She climbs happily in bed which is pretty adorable and lays down and covers up. There is still some protestations when I leave the room but nowhere near the seemingly endless wailing that were occurring. So far she's been happy and that makes me happy. This is not a girl who is going to wait to grow up. She's going to do it her own way.

Big girl bed now

A lesson in responsibility

I have a tendency to just do for Bub. I cajole him every morning into getting out of bed, into eating his breakfast, into getting dressed, into getting him into the car. Basically most of my morning is spent saying "Now you need to do this and then this and then this" over and over again. It was easier when he was a baby/toddler. I had to dress him and feed him. It was easier when he was a preschooler because even though he could dress himself I still felt like it was okay to do as much as I could for him to smooth the morning over. I spoiled him and it shows. But I'm tired now and he's at the age where he knows how the morning should go. He knows the routine. It's the same routine since he started school, since he started daycare actually. So I told him yesterday after getting fed up with repeating myself 5 times in a row. From now on he is responsible for his morning routine. I'll still get him up and give him his medicine and I'll give him time warnings but I'm not going to tell him what to do. He knows what to do. I expect him to do it.

This morning didn't go so well. First he refused to get out of bed till I dragged him out. Then he laid on the sofa till I gave a 10 minute warning and that's when he finally got dressed. And this was where I made a mistake. He wanted cereal and I gave it to him. Now I know how long it takes that child to eat a bowl of cereal and sure enough the time came and he had barely gotten into it. But I took it away and then went and found his glasses (on the floor *sigh*). I told him I was going out to the car. All he had to do was put on his shoes, grab a jacket, and his backpack and get out of the door. I waited a good while. He finally came out messing with the zipper. He'd been in the house finding a jacket and then trying to get it zipped. Great. Now we were really late and all on account of a zipper. We might have made it to the bus stop on time if there hadn't been a line of traffic and someone who refused to take a right turn out even when it was clear. I'm not sure what was happening in that car but it took forever to move and so we missed the bus. I followed the bus to the next stop but he missed it there too (despite getting out of the car and running, the driver didn't see him) so I sort of blindly followed the bus and he got it at the next stop. All of this making me 30 minutes late to work. In the meantime, I noticed Bub was not wearing his glasses. Where are the glasses? He forgot them. And that's when I lost it. I was already following the damn bus around town. I handed him his glasses. He put them down to get a jacket. Why didn't he put them on his face!? He didn't know. I told him I was really angry at him. First the bus, now the glasses. I expect better of him tomorrow.

So really who was at fault? Me for expecting a smooth morning the first time I put this much responsibility for his morning routine on him? Him for ignoring me all this time? Both probably. Tomorrow I will put a jacket out for him so he sees it right away. I will make sure his glasses are on his face and I will either make him eat in the car or get breakfast at school if there is only 5 minutes left. But I will again leave the rest up to him. I won't be able to do it all for him forever and it's time he learned to handle this.

Preliminary Potty Training

So today begins Day 1 of potty training for Button. I'm honestly not expecting to come out of this with a fully potty trained 21 month old. But I'm home and it's seems like a good time to introduce her to the concept. I'm fully armed with 9 pairs of training pants and a willingness to spend a lot of time cleaning up messes. We took down the potty from the attic about 2 weeks ago and she was very interested, spending some time sitting on it and even accidentally peeing once. But since then she's grown use to it so I don't know how this is going to go. The internet tells me that I can potty train a child in 3 days. I think the internet is working with a child who is on the other side of 2. But my mom tells me that I was around this age when I potty trained and I am slightly hopeful because she is always interested in doing what her brother is doing. At the very least she will start to learn when she is "going" and maybe making her aware will be helpful down the line. I think that there is a window of opportunity with kids to get this done. We waited too long for Bub looking for all the signs they tell you to look for, starting closer to 3, and he was 3 1/2 when he was finally fully potty trained. Maybe if we had tried sooner, it would have happened sooner. Who knows? But I am willing to keep trying with Button starting now in order to find that window a whole lot sooner than 3 1/2.

But how awesome would it be to not have to deal with diapers ever again? If she was fully potty trained by her 2nd birthday... a mother can dream.

Day 5: Chances (The Grateful Project)

Today I am grateful for multiple chances. I am  not always a good, kind, patient mother. Heck, I am not always a good, kind, patient person but I feel like my children especially shouldn't suffer because I am in a bad mood or they are annoying me. I try to be patient. I strive to be patient. There are many ways in which I am a great mother every day but sometimes my actions or tone or words don't always reflect that. But the great thing about life is getting the chance to do better the next time. To be a better person and a better mother when faced with situations that try me. So I am grateful for those chances and the people that are willing to give them to me.

On why I'll probably never be a SAHM

A conversation with my mom lead to her saying that if BT made X amount of money I could quit my job and be a stay at home mom. At that moment I realized I don't want to do that. Shocking, I know. It's not that I like being apart from my kids. It's just that Bub is at school all day anyway. And Button, well, as much as I dislike daycare I know that in a couple years she will be going to school too. So yes, it would be nice to stay home with her in the meantime, but at around 3 I will want her to start some kind of preschool and then hopefully at 4 she can get into public school preschool at her brother's school. And then I would want to go back to work. I don't love my current job 100% but I am comfortable here and I am finally in a good place with my staff and my work. I worked so hard for so long to get us where we are now too. I feel like I've found my niche in the academic library setting like I belong here. So if I left for say, what a year and half, I don't know that I could come back to this university. Maybe if there is a job opening but it wouldn't be the same.

I've said before that my ideal situation would be a work-at-home type of job but Button would still probably go to a Mother's Day Out or something because I would still have to work and, frankly, I believe in children getting out of the house and into social situations pretty early on. I think it is good for them. Or I'd even take a part-time job but what kind of part time job would make me happy? I'm a librarian. I like being a librarian and finding a part-time librarian is fairly nonexistent in our area. I would like to be able to get Bub every day from school and spend more time at home with Button and with him. But I don't think I'd want to do it all the time. I admire moms who stay at home and love it. Maybe you just get use to never having a break from your kid. Maybe other people's children aren't as needy as mine. Maybe they are just better, more patient mothers. I don't know. But I honestly don't think I would like it. Maybe that makes me a bad mom. If so, then so be it. I try to do my best for my kids but also for myself.

Mama, she said repeatedly

One day after hearing Bub call for me about 50 billionity times I swore I wouldn't teach the next one to call me Mom or Mama or any variation of that word. I said the second kid would just have to learn it for herself. But somehow with the second one I found myself encouraging her to say Mama. But for a long time (well up until last week) Button didn't say Mama all that much. She said it on occasion, mostly saying "Nama" and still that was rare especially in relation to how much she said Dada. Which is fair since he is with her the majority of the time. However, sometime last week she caught on with a vengeance that if she says Mama she will have my attention and most likely get what she wants. I don't know if it has something to do with Bub being around for the summer and hearing him or if she finally noticed that calling me Mama will get her noticed. So now when the little beggar child sees me eating something she wants (aka everything I am eating) she will crawl over and pull herself up and repeat Mama over and over again til I give her a bite. Or if she wants me to play with her or read her a book, same thing. So now the amount of Moms and Mamas has doubled in my house.

There is something endearing about hearing that little mouth say Mama and she is pretty adorable. But I also know what happens next. I've had to ask Bub in the past to not say Mom for at least 5 minutes because I was going to lose my mind if I heard it one more time. It's funny how much you love hearing it when your baby (especially the first) is young. It feels so sweet and so special. But the shine quickly wears off. My mother says it is that way pretty much forever. Given the amount my sister and I say Mom, she's not wrong. So against my better judgment I have taught my second born to say Mama and it's something I'll have to hear 100 billionity times a day. But I think it will have been worth it.

Moments

The important thing is to remember that this moment will not last forever. And that goes in both directions. When someone is being unreasonable, doesn't want to listen or behavior, or go to bed/sleep/take a bath, that moment won't last forever. Eventually that someone will become reasonable and do the things I want them to do. When Button refused to sleep in her crib and cried and cried, I reminded myself that this moment won't last forever and she will sleep in her crib with no problems. It happened with Bub, it will happen with her. When Bub is being a pain and not eating his food, I remind myself that this moment won't last forever and he will eat his food and he will grow and he will be ok. The way I get past bad moments is to remind myself that it won't be this way forever, just right now.

The flip side and the sadder side is that these moment won't last forever. She won't snuggle into me, sighing after nursing, falling asleep satisfied. He won't sit on my lap and tell me I'm the best mom and give me Eskimo kisses. She won't look at him like he is the best thing she's ever seen and he won't look at her with pride forever. I won't get these moments back. So I'm trying to pay attention and remember that, these moments, they don't last forever either. But there are new and wonderful moments coming up that I am not prepared for and I hope that I appreciate them then like I appreciate the ones now.

Bad Mommy

My son just cut his thumb because I stuck him in the shower without looking first.  I feel horrible and guilty about this.  He was crying so much, but he is ok now that it stopped bleeding and he has a Scooby-Doo Band-aid.

In other news, someone stole a book review I wrote.  Really? Really!  So dumb.