Morning time

As I was waking everyone up this morning, it dawned on me how different my morning routine is. It was get up, children to bus, work. Fairly simple. But this school year has some changes thanks to my son graduating to middle school, my huband's continued degeneration, and my daughter's bus schedule being messed up.

The original plan for this year started fairly simple. They both have a bus stop in the same location. Because they go to the arts academies for their grades, the bus does not pass by my house. Rather I have to take them to a satellite location. And the fact that that location is the same for them should make it easy. However, Bub's bus doesn't come until close to 8:00. I have to be at work at 7:30. So yeah. Finally I decided to put him in morning care. It's fairly inexpensive for the morning program at his school. So I had planned to drop her at the bus, take him to school, get to work fairly on time. But then her bus situation got messed up thanks to the driver quitting days before the start of school. So then her bus wasn't coming until close to 8:00. The end result is that she ended up in morning care as well. The expense of both these programs is not great but it's the best solution otherwise.

So now I get up (still working on finding early morning time to run/exercise, for now that is being done in the evenings), and wake up Bub and get him in the shower, wake up LG and put her clothes out so she can change and then start getting ready myself. They either can have breakfast at home or at school, their choice. I get ready myself. Before we leave, I wake up BT who has taken to sleeping in the recliner so he can sleep more upright and also it is easier for him to get in and out of (we are working on a hospital bed for him to aid in this). I help BT out of the chair and we go. Then I drop off Bub at school, drive to LG's school and sign her in and then I go to work. It's a lot. I don't know if it sounds like a lot but it's a lot. It's a lot of driving and getting everyone where they need to go and helping them all out while still trying to get my own stuff together and make to work. But it's the best way and honestly has been less stressful. There are, of course, even less stressful ways to manage. I could pull them and make them go to our home schools and then they would be bused to and from the house. That is not an option for me. I love the arts academies and they are getting a great education and learning an in-depth art form at the same time. And I believe wholeheartedly in that. So this is what we are doing and I'm trying to make it work as best I can.

Baaaack to school

The kids start school this week and as usual I am of two minds. School usually ramps up the responsibility at my house but it's, you know, school so it's important. School is a lot for me thought. As the mom I shouldn't admit that? But it's true. The burden of transportation, school functions, and everything that goes into school is down to me especially now as the only driving adult in the family. My children goes to arts schools so there are no buses that run near my house. I love the arts elementary so much so it's worth it but it is a pain. And now my oldest is headed off to middle school which is scary for me but he seems chill about it so far. It was a nice couple of years having them in the same place. Certainly that made it easier. Now 2 different schools, buses and schedules. It'll work out especially now that I have figured out exactly how to get my son to school without being overly late for work. His school starts later so his bus comes later, thankfully to the same location as hers. But he isn't zoned for that bus stop so all of that had to be worked out. He'll go to the before school program run by the YMCA and then take the bus in the afternoon and then they will both get dropped off in the same place. It's not the cheapest plans but it's worth it. And they will have time for their evening sports.


I am amazed that she is going into first grade and he is going into sixth and the fact that he is going to middle school is like wow. It's crazy to me that we've already gotten to this point. I am worried about middle school. It's a rough time and a rough age and middle schoolers are not necessarily the nicest. I think he will be fine but he can be sensitive so I guess we'll see. It's also just more. More homework, more classes, and a different routine with changing rooms multiple times a day which won't be a bad thing. He can move around more during the day and he'll have to go outside to change rooms so that actually is a good thing. I also realized that this will be the first time he has to dress out for P.E.  His middle school is a great school and the arts program is amazing. He got in with piano and that is the art that he will focus on. I am so happy with the decision to put him in the arts academy and grateful that this school district offers the option and that LG could go to that school too. I'm curious what her art will be. I'd say drama or dance based on her personality. Drama seems to be the better fit.

But now it's time for homework and parent/teacher meetings among other things. And I handle all of that but I also feel bad because BT misses out on so much. Most of the time it is easier for me to just get the kids from school or from the bus and then go to any open house meetings or to just go to school for lunch or any school activities. Their schools are really close to my work and it's just easier. But I feel bad because I probably should go get him more. It's a rough balance between trying not to miss too much work and trying to include him. There is the factor that things make him very tired and it can be hard to negotiate any crowded venues with his chair. So far we've managed to work it out but I think we both feel bad about him missing out on too much. It's just one of those unfortunate things and will work out how they work out. 

And the kids

Once BT was initially diagnosed the question of what to tell the kids was immediate. Obviously something had to be said since BT would no longer be working and they would definitely notice that. There was a month gap between the first and second opinion where everyone just kept hoping that it was going to be something else and BT was still working. In that gap I consulted our pediatrician who has cared for Bub since he was a newborn. It's one of the few times I've ever seen a doctor visibly upset. I asked him what was appropriate to say.  He recommended a simple explanation but not to include the fact that it is terminal. Bub was 9 and LG was 4 at the time. We told them that Dad was sick now, he wasn't going to get better, and that he wasn't going to work anymore. Their reactions were very accepting. LG went around telling everyone that her dad was sick and wouldn't get any better. Bub was sad and asked more questions. It was a different way of processing fairly appropriate to their ages. As time has gone on, Bub has begun to ask more questions about BT's condition. LG has been more accepting. They both have been big helps to their dad although still expect a lot more out of me somehow. It's been also a sad thing knowing what's to come but there is a lady we know who grew up with a father with ALS and she talks more positively about her experience so I feel like the time BT spends with his kids will be hopefully result in something similar.

One day recently Bub asked me about how long we would live. I talked about the average life span of my grandparents and guessed 30-40 more years for me all things considered, hoping that he would drop the subject of his dad. He did not and I answered with Well it depends on how his ALS progresses and then he asked if the ALS could kill  his dad. I never want to lie to my kids but there is information I don't volunteer unless they ask. So I answered yes but that it all depends on how quickly things go. There is no time limit. These are the moments that I get, that no one else gets and they are sad moments. He took this pretty well and he has been processing, I believe, fairly well. And has been very good to his dad this summer. I hope that this summer and the summers to come where he is home with BT are good, positive memories and that they have quite a few more.

Free style summer

I never knew how much parents looked forward to summer until my kid started school. Although I'm guessing that same statement might not apply to stay at home parents. But it does for this mom. No more homework or car rider lines or worrying about AR tests and conduct grades and unexcused absences! This summer is going to shape up much like last year with Bub at summer camp at Button's daycare. He has a good time there. We don't have any summer plans for vacation or anything. We could never quite work it out. I'm calling it our free-stylin' summer since I think we are just going to see how it goes. The kids have swim lessons later in June and that's the extent of our current plans. We visited BT's parent's new house in Florida for Memorial Day weekend and I think we'll go back either before Bub goes back to school or for his fall break.

Bub's last day was Wednesday so my dad had him yesterday and I have today. He is going to start summer camp on Monday and I thought I'd give him a couple of days off before he started that (and save that money to be frank). I ended up keeping Button home and we are going to the public library's summer reading kick-off to have some fun over there and sign-up for the program. One of my plans this summer is to have at least 15 minutes of quiet reading a day. I'm looking forward to having a quiet summer in general.

Arts and other creative things

Bub goes to the arts & technology elementary school in our parish (county to the rest of the U.S.) and they take 7 arts for K-2. At the end of 2nd grade each child has to chose 3 arts to take in the 3rd grade and then narrow it down to 1 from those for 4th and 5th grades. It's kind of like choosing a major only they give you 4 years to try them out and pick. The goal is to be able to get into the arts middle school program with your chosen art. I'm not sure at this point if he wants to do that or go to the science middle school. I'm fine with either. So this year he was highly recommended for piano, which is great because we recently acquired BT's parents' piano. He was recommended for drama, dance, visual art, strings and band. The only one not on the list was vocal and it's easy to see why. He sings like I do, full of emotion but lacking in tune and/or pitch. So he ended up choosing piano, drama and dance which is perfect for him with band as his alternate. I'm not sure when they send out the final schedule of which ones they were assigned. But hopefully he gets the ones he chose. Dance is perfect since he needs all the physical motion he can get and drama is perfect because, well, he is a very dramatic child. Although I'm not entirely convinced that he understands the concept of drama equals plays, but I guess he'll find out.

Take me out of the ball game

Sportsball. So Bub has been playing soccer since he was 3 and baseball since he was 4. We are big supporters of team sports around my house. I'm pretty much of the mind that it's good for my kids to do something. Sports is a good something but I would accept music or art or something similar. Just get out and do something. And while he still likes soccer, baseball has become a struggle. I don't know if it's because they play so many more games (18 this season) or if it's because he's not as good at baseball as he is as soccer. He lacks focus and baseball is not a game where the action is non-stop so I think that is a contributing factor. If he practiced more I know he could be better but we are struggling just to get him to go to a game. He wanted to quit basically after baseball started. But the lesson I think he should learn is that if you tell someone you are going to do something for them, you have to finish it out. He signed up for this, he has a team so he has to play out this season for his team. It's the right thing to do. Right now I'm thinking that he is going to sit out next year. That even if he says he really really wants to play, I'm not going to let him. I rarely deny my kids this kind of thing. Like I said, I want him to get out and do something. But I want it to be something that he loves. And he doesn't love baseball. If, after sitting out a season, he thinks he wants to play again then fine. But I want him to want to do it. I'm not going to make him. We can always look into other things to do.

A book for every child

It's ironic but Bub is not a reader. You'd think a librarian's child would have more interested but his reading ability is not strong. He's getting there but it seems to be taking a lot to keep him on level. The school is doing its best to resolve the situation by putting him in reading remediation. He is also in speech therapy because his speech is lacking too and I'm sure there is a connection between the two and also the ADHD. But we do a lot of reading at home too. We've always read to him at bedtime and now he reads to us. Also I've always listened to audio books in the car but most of the time he is not with me, well, up until late in the school year last year. I started taking him to school as a way to offset his time on the bus and relieve the nighttime stress of homework which was driving me a breaking point almost every night. So he has been coming to work with me in the mornings, eating his breakfast and doing his homework in my office and then I've been taking him to school. It's working out quite nicely. One of the rules though is that I still get to listen to a book in the car. Most of the time he barely seems to pay attention but my line of thinking goes along that even if he is not outright listening, he is still hearing it and that can't be bad. I just finished the Enola Holmes series on Thursday and I don't think he liked the one because it is a bit on the violent side for a 7 year old. I put in Peter Nimble and His Fantastic Eyes by Jonathan Auxier and at the end of the car ride to work, he said "I like this one," something I can't recall him every saying. Normally I continue on with a book even when he is not with me. But this time I decided we can listen to the whole thing together. So the next morning, we got in the car but had to drop Button off at daycare so I didn't put on the book. He was playing on his Nintendo DS and when I got back from bringing in her. I put the book on. He put down the DS and started listening and THAT really has never happened before. Over the weekend we didn't get a chance to really listen to it. But Monday morning as we were driving off the radio was on. He said, "We can listen to music later tonight. We should listen to the book" and my heart sang. I had finally found his book.

There's a great quote by Holly Black (I think) about there is the right book for every child and I've been searching for something that will click with him. He loves nonfiction but even that didn't seem to interest him. It's like reading is a chore and that is not an attitude that I am familiar with. I've always loved reading. I don't know what it is about Peter Nimble that has captured him but I'm hoping to pick books out now that he will want to listen to. He seemed a little interested in the Percy Jackson books when I had those so maybe I will go back with those. Maybe he would be interested in the  Peter and the Starcatchers series. I hope so. I'm going to try at least.

This and that

I didn't realize it had been so long since I've been on this blog until I looked my book blog and realized I hadn't been over there in a while too. Things at work have been super busy between interviews, presentation preparations, and meeting, meetings, meetings, among other things. At least this week is looking like I might get a breather. Plus, at home, school and soccer have started and BT has moved into a weekend rotation at work. But that feels like more of the same.

I was thinking about what I wanted to write about. That Bub got marked as failure to thrive too at his last check-up so he had blood work done too and he is fine though was thoroughly traumatized by the needle, something that was sad and then later super funny.  He is so dramatic. I'm still struggling to help my kids gain weight but they are both doing well. That some kid in Bub's class broke his glasses and so he went about a month with no glasses but he is getting his new super cool pair today. Also I've develop an intense dislike of an 8 year in Bub's class.

I could write about how Button is the twoest two year old that ever was a 2 year old and I have abandoned the idea of putting her dance class and instead think she is definitely going to gymnastics. Her willingness to FLING herself at surfaces and hope she sticks the landing is both interesting and heart stopping to watch. And her new favorite song to sing "Twinkle twinkle little star" but she fuses the ABC song with it so she sounds like a drunken sailor especially when she lays on the floor and sings "Twinktle Twinktle little ABCD STAAAARRR" and counts "1, 2, 3, 5, 9, 10." And that potty training is still hit or miss with the misses being the higher percentage but that it's a slow and steady thing. I'm thinking of taking an upcoming weekend break from soccer and doing a boot camp to see if I can't get her where I want her to be. She's interested in the the wiping and flushing and the prizes but the actual action is where she is stalling.

But that's generally the whole story of those stories. So I'll just leave it at those anecdotes and try to find a full topic soon. Meanwhile it's the first day of autumn and the weather is not that hot and, dare I say, even a little pleasant and I had a giant chocolate donut courtesy of the Cataloging Department and the first song that came up on my playlist was "Shake It Off" so I'm going to take that as a sign that this week might be one of the better ones I've had in a while.

Pregnancy nostalgia

It seems to be baby time or at least it is on my Facebook feed. Several people have announced pregnancies for late this year or early 2015. I got a little sentimental thinking about being newly pregnant with my kids. I never did an elaborate announcement like Pinterest shows. I was pregnant with Bub before Facebook was the thing that it is now. So that was mostly a word of mouth type thing.

I remember sitting at my desk and feeling woozy. We weren't really trying for a baby yet (the time was set for a few months from then) but it was still a possibility and as soon as I felt that I began to suspect. I stopped and bought 1 pregnancy test and as soon as I got home I took it. When I saw those 2 lines, I freaked out. I ran back to the store and bought more tests and took 2 more. All came back positive almost immediately. I called my BFF-cousin because I knew that out of everyone she would be level-headed about it and I certainly didn't want to tell BT over the phone. She reassured me and I called the doctor. The nurse had me come in and do a pregnancy test, basically what I had just done 3 of at home and she confirmed it. We were leaving that afternoon to go to BT's grandfather's funeral so I had to pick BT up at work. On the way to do that I was trying to figure out how to tell him but, in the end, he got in the car, I burst into tears and told him I was pregnant. He was very happy about it. It was almost time anyway. We told BT's parents that night by bascially saying "You know how you just became grandparents? You ready to do it again?"(the Nephew had just been born) and then my parents when we got home. Nothing very clever. Well except my whole life anytime I wanted to talk to my mom, she'd start the conversation with "You're not pregnant, are you?" So I sat down and said "Hey, remember how anytime I wanted to talk to you, you'd say 'You're not pregnant, are you?' Well I want to talk to you." She got it and my parents were super happy.

For Button, I had this feeling that I wanted to keep it to myself for just a little bit. Bub belong to everyone almost right away and I wanted this one for myself. She was definitely planned so it was not surprising. Since we were trying, I bought some pregnancy tests and had them at the house. One Friday before I was suppose to start my period, I took one and it came back with the faintest line but I knew. So the next day I went out and bought a pack of newborn diapers and made a card that said "You ready to do this again?" and tied a positive pregnancy test to the diapers with the note and put it on the table. I thought BT would see it right away but, I swear, the man has some sort of tunnel vision. I sent him to the kitchen at least 3 times thinking he would see it. But no, finally, I had to tell him to go look on the table. It was a little anticlimactic. We told my parents a few weeks later by putting a Big Brother t-shirt on Bub. My mom was home alone and I had to direct her to look at his shirt and then my sister and dad when they got home. We put the same shirt on Bub a few weeks after that when we went to the beach for Labor Day with BT's family. They saw it right away so that was gratifying.

I look at my kids and it's funny to think about before I had them, when I just found out I was pregnant and now here they are such amazing little people.

Game on

Sometime this baseball season it dawned on me that we are a sports family. I know that should have occurred to me at some point before but I think it was the immediate switch from soccer to baseball that did it. See, I'm not a sports person per se. I've only recently gotten into watching football and I was never interested/good at sports as a child so they were never really my thing. BT, on the other hand, has played his whole life and was a great track runner in high school. So when Bub turned 3 and I noticed a sign that said a local club started soccer at 3 years old I texted BT and asked if I should sign him up. Hell, yeah was the answer I received. So Bub has been playing soccer in the fall since he was 3. Then t-ball started at the age of 4. He missed playing when he was 5 since it started right after I had Button and I couldn't handle a newborn and baseball at the same time (weak, I know). So it's been 3 years of baseball and 6 seasons of soccer. He seems to enjoy playing and we all like going and watching. It can be a lot of shuttling around with practices and such but I know that it will get to be more and more as he gets older.

Eventually, I'm sure, Button will want to do as her older brother does and she will start soccer too. I'm thinking I will sign her up for the 3 year old soccer even though Bub doesn't play with that club anymore. His current one starts at age 5 but the 3 year old soccer is the cutest thing ever so I want to see her do that. If she wants to play ball too when she is old enough than I will sign her up for that too. But part of me hopes she takes after me and wants to do dance as I did for so long. I would love that so much. Whatever she wants to do, we will make it happen. I think it's important for kids to do at least one other thing outside of school and I think team sports are great. And I may not understand everything that happens out on the field but I sure enjoying watching the kids get out there and play!

The differences between

I have few opportunities to observe Button in social settings. Mostly because she is home all of the time and I am at work or it could be the fact that we don't socialize a whole lot anyway. Generally I find her to be much more reserved with people she doesn't know. Thanksgiving 2012 when she was 8 months old we went to Oklahoma and she didn't deal well with all the people around sticking their faces in hers. She wants to play when she wants to play and not otherwise. And she's not comfortable dealing with people she doesn't know. She had a better time at my cousin's house where it was just us and my cousin and her husband. I was not use to this with Bub. My son has never met a stranger and will join right in the kids or talk to whoever will listen. He reminds of BT's father in that respect. Just a friendliness and an assumption that, of course, everyone wants to talk to him. Having a shyer child is not something I've dealt with up to that point.

So we went to a party at the beginning of the month for my friend's 2 year old. We got there a few minutes late and they had already started opening gifts so everyone was already there. Bub came along and he walked in and started holding a conversation with a lady there. I had to call him back since she was trying to watch what was going on. He sat down and started playing a game. Meanwhile, Button went and hid behind the chair because everyone was looking at her. And then I had to hold her. She perked up a bit when everyone started moving around and no one focused on her. She reminds me so much of me. Being the center of attention is the worst. And then the toys began to come out of their boxes and she got to play with some cars and trucks and that made her happy. Plus her big brother was playing with her and then my friend's son. And they went outside and that is one of her happy places.

It's interesting having two kids with such different dispositions. Not that I expected her to be like him in every way but I am occasionally surprised. Having a friendly child and then having a shy child takes some getting use to. People say how serious she is but I've never found her to be that way. But then she is my child and has never been that way with me. For him, everything he says is important and he expects everyone to want to listen. I don't think she is going to be that way though I'm trying to encourage her to go play. I won't be far away for now.

A lesson in responsibility

I have a tendency to just do for Bub. I cajole him every morning into getting out of bed, into eating his breakfast, into getting dressed, into getting him into the car. Basically most of my morning is spent saying "Now you need to do this and then this and then this" over and over again. It was easier when he was a baby/toddler. I had to dress him and feed him. It was easier when he was a preschooler because even though he could dress himself I still felt like it was okay to do as much as I could for him to smooth the morning over. I spoiled him and it shows. But I'm tired now and he's at the age where he knows how the morning should go. He knows the routine. It's the same routine since he started school, since he started daycare actually. So I told him yesterday after getting fed up with repeating myself 5 times in a row. From now on he is responsible for his morning routine. I'll still get him up and give him his medicine and I'll give him time warnings but I'm not going to tell him what to do. He knows what to do. I expect him to do it.

This morning didn't go so well. First he refused to get out of bed till I dragged him out. Then he laid on the sofa till I gave a 10 minute warning and that's when he finally got dressed. And this was where I made a mistake. He wanted cereal and I gave it to him. Now I know how long it takes that child to eat a bowl of cereal and sure enough the time came and he had barely gotten into it. But I took it away and then went and found his glasses (on the floor *sigh*). I told him I was going out to the car. All he had to do was put on his shoes, grab a jacket, and his backpack and get out of the door. I waited a good while. He finally came out messing with the zipper. He'd been in the house finding a jacket and then trying to get it zipped. Great. Now we were really late and all on account of a zipper. We might have made it to the bus stop on time if there hadn't been a line of traffic and someone who refused to take a right turn out even when it was clear. I'm not sure what was happening in that car but it took forever to move and so we missed the bus. I followed the bus to the next stop but he missed it there too (despite getting out of the car and running, the driver didn't see him) so I sort of blindly followed the bus and he got it at the next stop. All of this making me 30 minutes late to work. In the meantime, I noticed Bub was not wearing his glasses. Where are the glasses? He forgot them. And that's when I lost it. I was already following the damn bus around town. I handed him his glasses. He put them down to get a jacket. Why didn't he put them on his face!? He didn't know. I told him I was really angry at him. First the bus, now the glasses. I expect better of him tomorrow.

So really who was at fault? Me for expecting a smooth morning the first time I put this much responsibility for his morning routine on him? Him for ignoring me all this time? Both probably. Tomorrow I will put a jacket out for him so he sees it right away. I will make sure his glasses are on his face and I will either make him eat in the car or get breakfast at school if there is only 5 minutes left. But I will again leave the rest up to him. I won't be able to do it all for him forever and it's time he learned to handle this.

The Dinner Goal

Growing up we didn't have family dinner for a variety of reasons but we didn't eat many meals together.  My childhood home had a living room and a den. It also had a dining area off the kitchen that didn't see much use as near as I can remember. On the whole I ate alone in the living room especially once my sister got her own TV in her room. We all kind of went our own separate ways for dinner. It's sounds terrible but it wasn't. It was actually fine. It was when I meet my husband and ate at his parent's house that I realized that families do, in fact, eat dinner together at a table and not in front of the TV. It was something new for me. So dinner time became a much more together time. We've almost always had dinner time together and with no TV since we've lived together. There are always exceptions but as a rule.

Somehow lately I've let dinners take a downward turn. It began when BT started working nights as a special now and again thing that Bub and I did. Then it very slowly wound down into him where he could see the TV and then ended up with him eating at a TV tray while I ate dinner with Button at the table. GASP! I know, such poor parenting. I realized late last year what was happening and that I was letting it happen because it is just easier. But I let the year play out since he was vacation and all. But I explained to him what was going to happen when school started again. He was going to eat dinner with us at the table with no TV and no electronics. The same would go for me. Because along with letting him eat in front of the TV I was playing on my phone while I ate.

School started on Tuesday. He was not happy. He was doubly not happy to find me making him sit at the table and eat with me and his sister with nothing to entertain me. And you know what? It was fine. He talked to me and told me about school and his friends. It was really nice. Last night BT was home and so we all sat down at the table. Bub wanted to play on his new tablet but I told him no. He pouted but it was good. I think once he realizes that this is a permanent thing he will be cool with it. He's a fairly adaptable child. And eating in the living room can go back to being a special treat instead of the norm. This might turn out to be the easiest goal of them all.

Seven years old

Bub's 7th birthday was yesterday. I can't believe he is already 7. I say that every year, that I can't believe he is X years old and it's true every time. So this year for his birthday I took him and 2 of his friends to see Frozen and then to a dessert parlor afterwards for cake. They had a good time and I think he really enjoyed himself. Usually I pay for a party at a place and about 4 kids show up and he plays with his best friends only anyway. So this was nice for them. They wanted to play outside but it was freezing so I only let them for about 5 minutes. But they had a good time and he enjoyed himself which is what matters. Sunday we had a small family party for him and I did a abbreviated Skylanders theme (meaning I made invitations and a banner and had it put on a cake). He also had a good time playing with one of his older cousins and Button. She loves the cousin and will follow them around. It's pretty cute. It was cold and rainy yesterday though so there was no outside play but they had a good time anyway. Bub has fun wherever he goes. All in all, I think he had a good birthday and now we are ready for Christmas.

Day 26: The oldest (The Grateful Project)

I found a file on a flash drive the other day of photos of Bub from when he was a newborn to about age 3 and I got a little misty. He is about to be 7 and I don't know where those years went. I was watching Button do something toddlerish the other day and I asked BT if he remembered Bub at that age. And neither one of us can really remember. It's like the memories get crowded out and I only have few moments here and there. Sometimes things come back especially watching her. Like when he decided he had to do everything himself at about that age. He was always so cute and he was so chubby when he was little. I look at him now and I wonder where my fat little baby went. He is so skinny now (but still so handsome. Seriously that kid has the best face). And chatty and opinionated and he knows so much. And he is so funny. I love him and I love talking to him even when he is just rambling on and driving me crazy. He is getting so big and I like just hanging out with him and playing games or walking outside.

It's hard to explain how you feel about the oldest. They are your first and, for so long, he was my only. This is the person who made me a mom, who shaped so much of my identity now and who continues to change me as he grows. There are always new stages and I have to grow with him. He is so adaptable and so forgiving of my shortcomings and my failings as a mom. I am thankful that he is who is and that he loves me like he does. I don't know that I could love someone as much as I do him. Like I always tell him "I love you the most" to which he responds "I love you the most too." That will always live in my heart even as I forget the other moments.

Day 24: Play time (The Grateful Project)

Sometimes I feel like I'm too busy doing things for my kids rather doing things with them. Someone always seems to need something or the laundry needs to be done or the floors need to be sweep or someone is hungry, tired, thirsty, having emotional problems, etc. So it's always nice when I can just stop and focus on playing with them. Yesterday we went to an outdoor flea market for a little Christmas shopping (mostly I ended up with bows for Button) and then we went home. The weather was beautiful if a bit chilly but Button loves to be outside so we went and played in the yard for a while. Then I thought it would be fun if we went to park so we drove over the the nearest park and played there for a while. It was nice. We had a good time on the slides and playing in the dirt (Button) and with sticks (both). After that, we went home where I had to do some housework. But still I enjoy the moments when I can just play and have fun with my kids.

Songs about my children

It's a little silly but for each of my pregnancies I've found a song that sort of sums up how I felt about the new baby.  Or at least a few lines in the song do. This morning I was feeling sentimental and I listed to the songs I identifiy with each pregnancy.

For Bub, Michael Bublé was becoming popular and he had "Feeling Good" out. I love jazz standards and I love this song. But it's really the lines
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
that summed it up for me. Because it was a new life for me. A new life growing inside of me and a life that was about to change drastically for the better.


 For Button, it was nothing so classy. It's actually the Wanted's "Glad You Came," specifically the lines
The sun goes down, the stars come out,
And all that counts, is here and now,
My universe, will never be the same, I'm glad you came, came came

I know this song is about a girl and a guy but for some reason those lines really summed up how I felt about having another baby. I was glad she came and my universe would never be the same. It's amazing how such a tiny person can change everything. But she did and she does and I am ever so happy about that.



I wonder if anyone else does/did this or if it's just me. 

The Bus Decision

Ever since we found out about Bub's new school, there's been a debate about bus over car rider. Mostly an internal debate for me since BT is cool with whatever. It's because his new school is really close to my work, about 15 minutes away in regular traffic. In theory I could take him and pick him up. It would be leaving work everyday for my break twice a day. And I would get back in time in the afternoons to spend 15 minutes at work and then leave for the day. The simplest solution is to just let him ride the bus. It's a long bus ride for him but the easiest thing. I bring him to the bus stop every morning which puts me 15 minutes late to work but I can take it off my lunch. And then he rides the bus home where my mom or BT picks him up at the bus stop. So, although I hate to make him ride the bus for so long, we decided to go with the simplest thing first. And if the bus doesn't work out then we can switch to car rider. I'd heard horror stories about the length of the line but when I picked him on Wednesday it wasn't that bad. I think it was because I went late.

Thursday was actually his first day to ride the bus both ways. He said it was long but good. He had no complaints and I think that this bus driver has control over his bus unlike his last one. The last bus was pure chaos and I don't think the bus driver cared so we had started to bringing him and picking him up everyday. But with the new school, it had to be the bus again or at least give it a try. So far so good. A 5th grader who gets on the bus with him offered to watch him on the bus which was very nice and sweet and actually makes me feel better about the bus. So although he's only been on the bus in the mornings since Wednesday and in the afternoons one day, I think it might work out. Though I'm ready to move on to plan B if necessary.

Kids at work

Bub came to work this morning. It's a nice perk I have here, that if your kids need to hang out for a little bit than no one really says anything. I have an office with a door so I can always close it if necessary but he is pretty good at work. Lately whenever he comes to work with me he plays on his Nintendo DS or on my Nook so it keeps him occupied. When he was younger he would color or write or I'd bring his little computer for him to play on. He's always been good at coming and hanging out quietly with me which is saying something for him.

I'm not the only one who brings her kids to work.  But the others tend to bring theirs more often. Two ladies get their kids from school and they come almost every afternoon. I've thought about doing that with him since his new school is closer but the school doesn't let out til 4 and I don't think I'd have enough time.

Bub shows up rarely. He came for a week in the mornings before a mural painting camp he did at the Childrens Museum this summer and he came today but it is a rare thing for him to be at work especially now that school has started. It's kind of nice having him around. I like having a little extra alone time with him that I don't get anymore now that my attention is so very often divided. Because for 5 years it was just us and he got so much attention and now he has to share. I don't think he minds but mother's guilt and all. Still I'm glad to have a few extra minutes here and there or even a few hours even if he is just drinking hot chocolate and playing in my office.

Fortune Favors the Brave

One of my favorite quotes is "fortune favors the brave" but I'm here to tell you I am NOT the brave. I'm not big on change. In fact the only thing I've ever prayed for is a normal life with normal children, nothing extraordinary need it happen as long as I had those things. And so far I've gotten my wish. But something exciting is happening in our family. 

Bub was accepted into the art and technology elementary program in our school parish and we're pretty excited even if I've managed to screw it up so far. Right now he is not technically in any school because no one explained to me that it takes up to 24 hours to actually withdraw a child from a school. It's so strange to me that I have to withdraw him when he is only transferring within the same school system. It seems antiquated. But that's how they do it. So the transfer is not going as smoothly as I would have liked.

But I am hoping that once there he really gets to explore the arts and learn different things that would not be available in a regular public elementary school. I think his energy level will be useful there though it is still a public school so there are still the regular classes and such which is fine because he does need to learn how to read and do math. It's the extra arts and tech that I am excited about. 

The transportation system has been a worry to me. Because I honestly don't want him on the bus forever but then I can't drop him off and pick him up everyday either. I don't have that kind of time at work to pop in and out all day. So we are doing the easiest thing first and having him ride the bus. And if that doesn't work out then we will go to Plan B whatever that might be. 

At any rate, it's exciting and scary and a really great oppurunity. If only I can actually get him registered at that school...