Pregnancy nostalgia

It seems to be baby time or at least it is on my Facebook feed. Several people have announced pregnancies for late this year or early 2015. I got a little sentimental thinking about being newly pregnant with my kids. I never did an elaborate announcement like Pinterest shows. I was pregnant with Bub before Facebook was the thing that it is now. So that was mostly a word of mouth type thing.

I remember sitting at my desk and feeling woozy. We weren't really trying for a baby yet (the time was set for a few months from then) but it was still a possibility and as soon as I felt that I began to suspect. I stopped and bought 1 pregnancy test and as soon as I got home I took it. When I saw those 2 lines, I freaked out. I ran back to the store and bought more tests and took 2 more. All came back positive almost immediately. I called my BFF-cousin because I knew that out of everyone she would be level-headed about it and I certainly didn't want to tell BT over the phone. She reassured me and I called the doctor. The nurse had me come in and do a pregnancy test, basically what I had just done 3 of at home and she confirmed it. We were leaving that afternoon to go to BT's grandfather's funeral so I had to pick BT up at work. On the way to do that I was trying to figure out how to tell him but, in the end, he got in the car, I burst into tears and told him I was pregnant. He was very happy about it. It was almost time anyway. We told BT's parents that night by bascially saying "You know how you just became grandparents? You ready to do it again?"(the Nephew had just been born) and then my parents when we got home. Nothing very clever. Well except my whole life anytime I wanted to talk to my mom, she'd start the conversation with "You're not pregnant, are you?" So I sat down and said "Hey, remember how anytime I wanted to talk to you, you'd say 'You're not pregnant, are you?' Well I want to talk to you." She got it and my parents were super happy.

For Button, I had this feeling that I wanted to keep it to myself for just a little bit. Bub belong to everyone almost right away and I wanted this one for myself. She was definitely planned so it was not surprising. Since we were trying, I bought some pregnancy tests and had them at the house. One Friday before I was suppose to start my period, I took one and it came back with the faintest line but I knew. So the next day I went out and bought a pack of newborn diapers and made a card that said "You ready to do this again?" and tied a positive pregnancy test to the diapers with the note and put it on the table. I thought BT would see it right away but, I swear, the man has some sort of tunnel vision. I sent him to the kitchen at least 3 times thinking he would see it. But no, finally, I had to tell him to go look on the table. It was a little anticlimactic. We told my parents a few weeks later by putting a Big Brother t-shirt on Bub. My mom was home alone and I had to direct her to look at his shirt and then my sister and dad when they got home. We put the same shirt on Bub a few weeks after that when we went to the beach for Labor Day with BT's family. They saw it right away so that was gratifying.

I look at my kids and it's funny to think about before I had them, when I just found out I was pregnant and now here they are such amazing little people.

An open letter

Dear every stranger ever: 

I know that I am huge. Between the two of us, I believe that I am more aware of it than you. But thanks for pointing it out. It's what I really needed to hear as I waddle about in pain. I am 5'1" and proportionally short in all areas so there is really nowhere else for this baby to go but out. No, I am not having twins. Have you ever seen someone who was pregnant with twins? I do not look like them. So your unnecessary double take and bugged eye stare at my protruding stomach do not serve any purpose but to make me want to punch you in the face. Think about your words before you say them.

Sincerely, 

Andrea

Remember when I was the sole occupant of my body? Those were good times.

So I'm going to have a baby soon. Very soon. In about a month. I'm trying not to freak out about taking care of a new little one and my son. Because he isn't in daycare/preschool anymore (long, dramatic story) and will be staying home with me and baby girl til I go back to work. This is going to be even more of an adjustment for all of us.  But anyway, I was just reflecting on being a mom in the hospital and how quickly the focus shifts from you to the baby. Before, when you are pregnant, everyone is all How are you? all the time in your face and concerned for your well being. Once that baby is out, you are a mere accessory to the baby. I get that people have been waiting to see this kid for a long time and they don't have the bond that you have developed over the last 9 months. Carrying another person inside of you for that long as they develop from a tiny poppy seed size cell to a full blown 8/9 lb person really creates a bond that other people can't understand. Sometimes I feel sorry for my husband because he just cannot know like I know. Also I wish I could take the belly off for a few minutes and let him carry her around while I get some relief. Wishes...horses, etc.

This pregnancy has been more painful than the last. Either I blocked it out or it is just a second pregnancy (for me) thing. I remember being uncomfortable but I am just flat out in pain this time. Hips, back, belly. It doesn't end and there is not comfort being achieved ever. I hit that third trimester and that was that. She is going to a big baby and she is a mover constantly kicking or pushing or rolling around. Little feet or little hands are everywhere. Her favorites places are my ribs or my bladder and I believe she is trying to wedge as much as herself as possible between my hip bones. She uses them as a resting place. How snuggly it can be wedged in my pelvis I don't know? But she loves it. I really could go on a length about my lack of comfort. But the thing I know is that once she is here I might get some physical relief but my level of exhaustion will rise to a degree I haven't experienced in a long, long time. I keep trying to tell myself that. At least I can get more than 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Soon that will be a pipe dream. I know this, but it is hard not to concentrate on the here and painful now.

C-section vs. VBAC

The birth of my son ended in a c-section. I really wanted a natural childbirth but after needing induction to get labor started combined with his erratic heartbeat and no progression I ended up with a c-section. Pretty much the exact opposite of what I had in mind. But c'est la vie. While it was not ideal, I was grateful at the time to get the whole thing over with. Labor hurts, y'all. So I'm up in the air about what to do next. Another c-section would be the easiest but I still have in my mind the idea that I want to experience actual delivery. Mostly what I care about is getting the baby out and having a healthy one. I really think that recovery from a c-section would be easier this time without the 14 hours of labor attached. Of course, I am planning an epidural this time around anyway. I have done the labor with contractions, etc and so I don't feel like getting an epidural would deny me any experiences. In fact, it sounds like a good idea. My doctor says it is up to me which is pretty awesome but at the same time that means I have a decision to make. Even though this birth is looming over me getting much much closer everyday I can't decide what to do. Right now I'm at the comprise stage. Schedule the c-section for 40 weeks and then if I go into labor earlier then try for a VBAC. It's like making a decision without having to really make the decision.

Bringing the boy to my doctor's appointment

I have a pregnancy check-up today and Bub is home sick. So he is coming with me. I'm a little nervous about this because he is not a patient child but I'm bringing every game he owns plus my phone has games. The real problem is that I have to do the one hour glucose test today so it is going to require an extra wait. I can only hope he is good and minds me. I'm not sure how to handle the lab work though. How bothered is he going to be seeing them draw blood? Not to mention the two urine tests I have to do. I don't really want him to see me pee in a cup so he is going to have to wait outside which goes against my mommy-have-to-see-him-every-second instincts that guide me when we are out in public. I think we will get through this fine. He will like hearing the baby's heartbeat and that will entertain him for about a minute. I just feel a little bad about having to drag him out to do something so boring.

Worries everywhere

Pregnancy has been the main reason that I've been quieter on the social networking/blogging side of my life.  It's really all consuming when you are pregnant but not ready to talk about it to the world at large.   I would have like to write down the first three months, but mostly it would have been me complaining about how bad I felt.  I can't guarantee there won't be blogs about that now, but I'll try to focus on other things too.  Being pregnant is such a good time in my life, but there is a lot of worry and stress associated with it.  How is the baby developing?  How are we going to handle a 5 year old and a newborn?  What on earth is going on with my body anyway?  I thought that having done this before it would be easier the second time.  But it's really not.  It's the same worries I had before, but a little more because I am older.  But I've done as much as I can to ensure a healthy environment for the growing little one and I try to be a good mom to my sweet boy.  And that's really all I can do right now.