The second time around

Bub has been away for 11 days visiting BT's parents and playing with his older cousin (8). I reached my limit on him being gone on day 9 but I get him back tonight so we made it through. His cousin left but BT's younger sister came with her 1 year old daughter so he still got to spend time with them. My SiL said something on Twitter yesterday to the effect of after spending the day with him and her own daughter she knows she could not handle 2 kids right now. And I chuckled because it reminded me of back before I had Button and how I felt when I got pregnant with her.

It was always agreed that we would have two kids, always. We had Bub and he is a pretty awesome kid but a handful with all his energy and talking and the constantness of just him. But still I knew I wanted another one for multiple reasons but a big one was so that he would never be alone and he would have a sibling to relate to. So after he was potty trained and we enjoyed that for a while, it was decided it was time. The thing about having a second kid is you know exactly what you are looking forward, the highs and the lows and I always said that when I forgot just how bone-crushingly exhausted I was then we could have another baby. I don't know if you ever entirely forget that but the memory wears thin enough. But still after I found out I was pregnant again I had a few moments of pure panic. What if this ruined everything? I mean we had a good thing going just the three of us. We were a happy little family and you just never know who you are going to get or what is going to happen. Luckily it all turned out wonderfully but I did a lot of praying.

Thinking about all of this reminded me of a mommy blogger who I follow who, when she brought home her 2nd child, remarked that it was all going smoothly and that having 2 wasn't going to be so hard. And then I laughed because I was that person too. The first days of most newborns are sleepy. They sleep a lot. (Bub didn't but that's a different story.) Button was a sleeper for about 2 weeks and in those two weeks I thought, this isn't too bad. He's five so he's old enough to do things for himself and to get things I might need. And then she woke up and started paying attention to the world and the dynamic shifted. The hardest thing was the lack of time for my son. For 5 years he was the only one we had and so we got to focus on him for so long that I had overwhelming guilt when I could no longer just do what he wanted to do. Yes, there are lessons in there for patience and waiting your turn and not being selfish or needy or clingy. But still he went from Mom whenever he wanted to Wait till I'm done with the baby. Luckily he is an easy enough child that he wasn't overly phased. I had to work to let go of the way we were and get to use to the idea of the way we are. That I can't provide the same mommying that I could before. The worst thing was that he was cooped up in the house for quite a bit of time during my maternity leave but my mom and my sister did their best to entertain him and pay attention to him. So we were lucky in that way. It also helped that he took to the idea of being a big brother and loves her so much. They entertain each other and so he is a big helper for me.

Every change can be hard and I still couldn't say for certain which was a bigger change for us, becoming first time parents or having a second child. Becoming first time parents was definitely the harder change on us as a couple but adding another kid to the mix was, while not the most difficult, made a huge impact on our family dynamic. It lead to BT working nights so he could care for her so that lead to me caring for two kids alone almost every night with one starting school (and that was incredibly hard (also a different story)) and us hardly ever seeing each other for 2 years. But we made it through and now our dynamic is settling down into something more comfortable for everyone and both kids get to see both parents everyday.

I will say I'm happy that we waited till he was older*. I'm not sure how I would have handled two babies or a newborn and a toddler. That, to me, seems like it would be the hardest thing of all.


*I have more to say on spacing but this thing has gotten super long so I'll save it.

Songs about my children

It's a little silly but for each of my pregnancies I've found a song that sort of sums up how I felt about the new baby.  Or at least a few lines in the song do. This morning I was feeling sentimental and I listed to the songs I identifiy with each pregnancy.

For Bub, Michael Bublé was becoming popular and he had "Feeling Good" out. I love jazz standards and I love this song. But it's really the lines
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
that summed it up for me. Because it was a new life for me. A new life growing inside of me and a life that was about to change drastically for the better.


 For Button, it was nothing so classy. It's actually the Wanted's "Glad You Came," specifically the lines
The sun goes down, the stars come out,
And all that counts, is here and now,
My universe, will never be the same, I'm glad you came, came came

I know this song is about a girl and a guy but for some reason those lines really summed up how I felt about having another baby. I was glad she came and my universe would never be the same. It's amazing how such a tiny person can change everything. But she did and she does and I am ever so happy about that.



I wonder if anyone else does/did this or if it's just me. 

Baby led Weaning: a follow-up

Button is now 15 months old (well in a week) so she is probably beyond the Baby Led Weaning program but I thought I follow up on it. I was reflecting on it last night. I could not imagine trying to feed her and then us separately especially since the majority of the time it is just me and the kids at dinnertime and there is already a lot going on a night, particularly when Bub is in school and we have to deal with homework on top of everything else. But I digress. It's just so much easier and more pleasant for us to eat a meal together.

Button has been feeding herself since she was 6 months old and it has worked so wonderfully. Yes, a lot of the food ended up with the dogs or in her bib or on her face but food before one is just for fun anyway so it didn't matter much. I would give her finger-like sticks of whatever we were eating and just let her have at it. So not much has changed in that direction except I know more of what she likes to eat and her food size has become more bite-sized with her ability to grasp objects better. She's tried quite a few things. She, like me, does not like tomatoes. We gave her some (cooked) sushi the other night and she ate a bit of it, having trouble with the seaweed paper. But she loved the edamame much like her brother does. Lately I've been giving her food to her on a plate with a spoon or a fork trying to get her to use utensils. She's been trying them out for a little while but she often abandons them for her hands. She's developed a bit of a sweet tooth which is not great but we don't give her a lot anyway. I'll have to keep an eye on that.

I am really grateful to my cousin's wife who turned me on to Baby Led Weaning. I honestly wish we had done it with Bub. I wonder if he would be a better eater now. I'll never know but I'm hoping that she does not become a picky eater too. Baby Led Weaning was such a great choice for our family and I'd really recommend it to any parent who is willing to try something different. But you have to read the book honestly because feeding babies real food can also be nerve wracking and it also requires that you wait until they are 6 months. Babies' guts are not ready for food until then anyway so it works out. Button was definitely ready by the time she started eating table food. And yes it is messy and it still is but, as my old babysitter use to say, messes were made to be cleaned up and stuff like doesn't bother me. But it's been great for Button and great for me so it's A+ in my book.

Now we are complete

We were always going to have 2 kids. That was decided long ago and was one of the first things we discussed back when we were only dating and only 21. The deal was, for me, two kids or two pregnancies, however that worked out. We had our boy and it was lovely and he is lovely but then one day it was time to have another one. We decided on a date in 2010. But that day came and I wasn't ready. So we pushed it back a year. And after two months of trying I was pregnant with the baby girl.  And now, today, she is one year old and it has been an amazing year.

I had an unplanned c-section with Bub and I debated on a VBAC with Button. But in the end the idea of going through labor just to end up in surgery again did not appeal to me. It was possible that it could have gone right and I could have had the VBAC but I just couldn't deal with it if it had gone the other way. So really it was pretty undramatic, exactly what you want out of a birth.

I was originally scheduled to have Button on March 27th but the hospital said no because of my original due date. Based on my doctor's original calculations he put me on April 4th but later after her ultrasound he moved it up a day. But because of the original date I would have been 38 weeks and 6 days so it was no go with the hospital. So the surgery was moved back to March 28th much to my disappointment. One day really didn't matter but at the time I was in so much pain I was just done and ready to get her out.  The surgery was scheduled for noon but the hospital saw that my doctor had two short surgeries in the morning and thought he might be able to get to me earlier so they had me go in at 8 a.m. instead of 10. It was a long wait because when my doctor came in he said no, it wouldn't be til 12.

We got there at 8 and did the check-in and then went to pre-op. I waited in there for 4 hours which was a long time and it was cold. I also felt stupid because I had on my gown and these socks and pressure cuffs on my legs and I was hooked up to an IV. They gave me some anti-nausea medicine and started my saline. And then we waited and waited and waited so more. The anesthesiologist came and introduced himself but mostly we watched TV and nurses brought me warm blankets. Then it was time. They took me to the OR and BT stayed behind to get his gear on.

The anesthesiologist who had come in earlier wasn't the one who was with me. I had a nurse anesthetist who was very funny. When the anesthesiologist came to check on him, the nurse joked that he was getting better at these things. Later, BT said he saw the anesthesiologist wandering around drinking a Diet Coke so really I'm not sure what his function really was. The nurse anesthetist explained the spinal block to me and told me he was going to administer it and he calmed me down when I told him I was nervous. See I always said an epidural wasn't bad because by the time I got it I was in so much pain I barely noticed it. But to have a needle in my back stone cold sober, I just didn't know. It wasn't bad really. I hate that warmth that spreads and, just like last time, I panicked for a moment when I felt my body going numb. He said that I had to lay down quickly so the medicine would spread evenly, but I was 39 weeks pregnant. There was no "quickly" so the nursing staff helped me. My blood pressure dropped as is common with epidurals and spinals. They gave me more anti-nausea medicine and the nurse anesthetist put a cold compress on my forehead because I had cold sweats. He was really great. The nursing staff complimented me on my skin's ability to heal nicely because my first c-section scar was barely noticeable. Thanks?

Finally the doctor came in and introduced me to the other doctor assisting. I felt the pressure and the tugging but that was about it. It seemed like it took forever. And then out she came screaming like she was the maddest girl. My doctor said "Look at those cheeks!" And I thought I can't! This sheet is in the way. And then he said "Look at the size of her chest!" And the nurse anesthetist then joked that I'd given birth to a toddler. She was still screaming mad and then finally finally they brought her to me. I looked at her and she had the chubbiest cheeks and was she ever angry at being pulled from her warm safe dark place into this bright and cold world. I said "Hey, hey little girl. I see you" and she stopped crying trying to hear and see me. And then I fell in love. She was practically perfect in every way.

BT took her to the nursery and they finished me up while I fell asleep. Later in post op I asked for her and one of the lactation staff brought her to me and kind of stuck her on me (at least that is what it felt like) to nurse. They said it was about 20 minutes but time was a little weird for me then. So I got to hold her and nurse her about an hour after her birth which was way better than the hours it took to get Bub back to me. Later they bought me to my room and then a few hours later brought her to us so she could meet her big brother and we could begin our life together as a family.

Goal #1

I've said since Bub was born that the GOAL was to keep him alive til he is 18 and then he is on his own. Until then I will do everything in my power to achieve that goal. Everything outside of the goal is just a bonus. It might sound caviler but let me tell you that babies and children have no self preservation skills and will try at every turn to thwart this goal. I've had new parents-to-be laugh in my face when I've described the goal. They don't understand and really can't until they actually have a baby trying her hardest to fall off the bed or choke to death on the smallest thing she can find or leap off the highest thing he can climb on and I'm sure one day try to make it the roof. Children, babies especially, are not helpful in achieving the goal and that's why I tend to subscribe to the Whatever Works style of parenting.

Because as I look at it if the following questions are met with a yes, then I can chalk the day up to being successful:
Have you had food today?
Have you been hydrated in some way?
Have you had the option of wearing clothes? (This one gets tricky at the toddler stage when they seem to feel clothing is optional.)

How another parents has decided to feed, hydrate and clothe their bundles of joy is really up to them.  I'm at my house doing my own thing trying to keep my two in a state of relative state of upkeep and trying not to give them too much to talk about in therapy later in life.

Let's play: What's in my diaper bag?

My sister-in-law AKA Hotshot Mama wrote a post recently about what's in her diaper bag. I thought it was fun so here is mine.

I carry a soft bag made by my mom. It's similar to something I used when Bub was a baby. It has one outside pocket and one inside pocket. It's fairly roomy and not bulky.
In the interest of full disclosure, the only thing I am not documenting is the random candy and coins found at the bottom of it.

1. A blanket. Specifically in this case an Aden + Anais blanket Button got for Christmas. I'd been coveting the cupcake print since before she was born and my cousin sent it for her which was super nice. But I always carry a blanket for a nursing coverup and to cover Button if necessary. You may also notice my nursing strap (the purple thing) next to the blanket. It's something I made from these instructions and it is super handy.

2. Hats and a bow. I don't usually have so many hats but she wore the black one to my mom's the other day and it was in there. Lately I've taken to carrying the Tortoro hat since it cold. But usually I don't have a hat. Bows, on the other, I do usually have one or two stuck in the bag.

3. Food and a cup. Another thing I've just started to carry around since she is eating solids regularly and pretty much demanding food when we eat and snacks are usually a good thing for a bored and hungry month old.. Right now I have a Ella's Kitchen Mangoes and Carrots Nibbly Fingers bar, a pack of Sunny Buddies sunflower butter and berry jam bites and a container of the good old standby of Cheerios. I also have a Nubby bottle/sippy cup since she likes to drink when she eats. Go figure.

4. Pens because it's always handy to have a pen, hand sanitizer for obvious reasons and a bottle of children's Motrin which is actually for Bub and goes in my purse.

5. Diapering paraphernalia. 3 Seventh Generation diapers, one tube of Burt's Bees diaper cream, one changing pad, one wipes case, and some diaper bags for the smelly ones when we are out.

6. Toys. I tend to rotate toys but right now I have two teething toys.

7. A wipeable bib for mealtimes and a burp cloth which is really just for wiping down.

And then we had everything

So six years ago I did one of the most amazing things I've ever done in my life and gave birth to my beautiful and sweet boy. It's hard to believe he is already six whole years. It went by too fast. Now he is not my baby but a big boy. I thought I'd share his birth story for his birthday today. When I was pregnant and ladies would tell me their birthing stories, I did wonder why so many mothers like to tell their stories, but once I had him I realized it's because you have done something extraordinary.  You have carried and birthed a whole other human person.  A real live human has just emerged from your body, which seems so crazy that it is amazing.

So here is that the story of me and a boy and what it took to get him out into the world.

He was one week late. I worked up to my due date which was on a Friday but that last week I only did half days because I couldn't stand to be at work longer. I remember working on my due date and someone asked when I was due. I growled at them "Today!"  and then they went away and left me alone. I think I scared them. I had a week off before he came which was just completely awesome in retrospect but at the time I just wanted him to come out. I played video games while bouncing on my birthing ball. When I laid down and put the controller on my stomach he kicked it off. We had a lot of fun with that.

Anyway.

On the Wednesday after my due date I went to the doctor and we scheduled an induction for the following Friday. It was nice to finally have a real date of arrival. We went in on Thursday night at 7. It was suppose to be 6 but I got confused so we were late. We did all the check-in stuff and they showed me to my room. Around 9, they put in a half a pill to soften my cervix because I was 0% effaced and 1 centimeter dilated. Contractions started faintly after this. Around midnight or so they put in the other half and started the Pitocin drip. This may be when the nurse broke my water. Details start to get fuzzy around this time. Contractions began to get strong. I really wanted a natural birth so I walked around trying to get through it. At some point I asked for a pain killer to take away some of the pain. I got a little sleep. Later I had it again but it begins to lose its effectiveness after the first time so it didn't help as much. My contractions never evened out. They are suppose to come in waves with a valley and a peak. I never really got to the valley. I was constantly contracting though never "big" ones. I never got a break. The baby's heartbeat was up and down. Sometime in the afternoon, I told the nurse that an epidural would be good. She agreed and so the anesthesiologist came in to administer it. BT got to stay in the room with me which was good. I'm not a huge fan of needles but when you are in that much pain you really don't care.

So blessedly, and finally, relief came and I got some sleep. Meanwhile Bub's heartbeat was still erratic and he couldn't seem to drop down into my pelvis. They put a fetal scalp electrode on him. Basically he couldn't get out and my body wasn't helping. In the end I never dilated past 6 cm. He was in distress. The doctor came in and called for a c-section. I was relieved. I was pretty much just done by then. The anesthesiologist came in and administered a second epidural to prepare me for surgery. I was shaking and shivering from it. So into the OR we went, BT coming a little later. I remember saying I couldn't breathe so they gave me oxygen. I'm pretty sure this was from the blood pressure drop that comes from an epidural. It didn't take them long to get the baby out. Maybe 10 minutes after I got in. I think it was a little more serious than I thought at the time. So out he came crying. He didn't cry long. There was too much to see. He was born nosy. I cried when I heard him. I kept asking how was he? BT said he was beautiful. And he was.

He went to the nursery. They finished my surgery. I fell asleep. Morphine is a wonderful thing. Later they bought my lovely boy to me. It wasn't the birthing experience I had pictured in my head. But it was the little boy I'd been hoping for and, in the end, I think that is what matters.

Stages

I read an article once in a parenting magazine that talk about the different stages of baby/toddlerhood  and how parents felt about them. It said that most parents have a favorite stage. Like most new moms, I was a little offended that a magazine would suggest that every stage of my precious boy's life wouldn't be my favorite. But it turns out that it is true. I am really not a fan of the newborn stage, a little more okay with the 3 months point and I love 6 months to about a year.

The newborn stage is my least favorite because it is so exhausting. Looking back it is hard to even contemplate how exhausted I was. After Bub I always said I wouldn't have another one til I forgot how tired I was. So yeah, it took 5 years. Newborns are just not like anything. They have no function but it eat, sleep and cry. They look funny all scrunched up and swollen and they are spastic because they have no motor control. Not to say that I didn't find my sweet babies adorable. It's just that, in hindsight, they definitely got cuter the older they got. The plus side is that you can leave on the bed and they will still be there when you get back. Also luckily for me they both slept through the night at 2 months. Of course, I let them sleep in the swing which might be a no-no but at that point I was willing to let them do whatever it took to get a little extra shuteye. And then they were both in their cribs by 4 months. There were/are still some difficulties with that but it works for the most part.

About 3 months is when they started to get awesome. There were genuine smiles and laughter and they were much more interactive. It's about when they start to feel less delicate and can start to hold their own head.  And they start to look more like babies and less like scrunching things. Of course this is when they start rolling over increasing the difficulty level. No more leaving them alone and expecting them to stay put.


But 6 months and on is my favorite. That is when they can sit on their own and will really play with you. Button is getting close to 8 months now and she is sitting and grabbing for things. She babbles a lot and can say a few words. She likes eating and it is fun to watch her with some cauliflower or Cheerios. Crawling will come soon and that in itself is another challenge because then Miss Nosy Parker will be into everything. But it is so fun to watch her learn and explore even if that means she is going to empty the cabinets of everything or try to use the mouse on the laptop. And I loved playing hide and go seek with Bub once he learned to crawl and I'm looking forward to it again. So many cute moments come once they hit this age and beyond. Until they get to the terrible toddler years but that is a different topic.

Shabby Chic Giraffe Baby Shower

Someone asked me what the theme of my cousin's baby shower was going to be. "Shabby Chic Giraffes." They said they didn't know that could be a theme. I said well it is now.

I  made these invitations based on an image I found on google with a grey chevron background and a giraffe. I gave the giraffe blue spots since my cousin is having a boy.

The favors were hot chocolate spoons with minature marshmallows on top and I made little "thank you" labels and tied them with ribbon. The spoons are the made to look "real" ones from the Dollar Tree.

I did Wishes for Baby cards with the grey chevron background and a baby clothesline garland. Since it is a boy I made onesies with a giraffe, a tie, a truck (his room will be vintage trucks) and an S for his name.

 The cake ended up having blue giraffe spots on the sides and a giraffe on top. I made food cards for the table. We had a sandwich tray, a veggie tray, jambalaya, a creamy salsa dip, a banana split trifle, chocolate chip cookie dough dip (which was a huge hit), and giant chocolate covered marshmallows.

I made two diaper bouquets and added sock and washcloth buds along with the diaper "flowers."

For games we did gift bingo and the envelope pull. I got notepaper for prizes, something everyone uses. I think it turned out well. It was very simple and clean, not really babyish, but I figured the mom-to-be would get enough of that with her other showers.

A loss is a loss no matter how small

For my first pregnancy I found out at 8 weeks I was pregnant with twins. It was an incredibly exciting, scary, fun thing to find out. I had an early ultrasound to date the pregnancy and there on the screen were two little blobs with two strong heartbeats around 150/155. My mom was with me because BT couldn't make it. I was suppose to go straight back to work but I drove across town and threw the ultrasound photo on the counter at his work. He was shocked and excited. We called everyone. Everyone was thrilled. Twins!

We got a pregnancy book on twins. And in the book it mentioned Vanishing Twin Syndrome, when one fetus doesn't make it and suddenly "disappears" or is miscarried and reabsorbed. Suddenly I was afraid and obsessed with this. They both had good heartbeats so BT keep reassuring me. But at 10 weeks one day I was spotting and cramping lightly. This is often normal in pregnancy but I worried. We went out of town for the weekend and when we came back it had continued so I called the doctor and went in for an ultrasound to check. I called BT to go but it took him too long to come so I did the ultrasound alone. There was one strong heartbeat but two blobs still on the screen. One was gone. I cried so hard. I apologized. I was just so so sorry. It was nobody's fault and no way to prevent it. It didn't make it any easier.

So I went home. BT called our moms. I tried to tell my mom but there was no way. I stayed home an extra day. It should have been longer but I still had one to take care of, one that I would have to go on maternity leave for later. Everyone was sorry for me but still the circulation supervisor said the stupidest thing. She said she was sorry but at least I still had one. It's true that I was lucky to still have one baby. Maybe I was being greedy but I wanted them both. Maybe that's just not something you say to someone who has just experienced a loss.

I still think about this from time to time. I look at Bub and I think that there could have been two of him. I think I'm the only one who remembers the little lost twin. Most days I do feel lucky. I have a beautiful healthy boy. If I had twins, I never would have gotten Button. Things work out how that should. It doesn't make it less painful at the time. While I've never experience a total miscarriage, I can say that it is hard to lose that potential, that hope for the future. Loss is hard in any form, even when it is a small one.

Beat out by the damn dog

Bub's first word was "Dada" as it most often it is with babies. His second word was "Java" and then "Mama" came third. I like to joke that I grew him, birthed him and nurtured him but he still said the dog's name first. It is actually fitting given how much he loves the dog. I'm sure if we had Kona then his name would have been up in there.

So Button is beginning to say words. Her first word was "Hi" complete with the arm motion for a wave. Then came "Dada" while looking directly at BT. And then just the other night she was sitting in her highchair when she said "Java" so clearly that he got up out of his bed and went to her. Yet no "Mamas." There goes my chance at ever being a first word. Beat out by the damn dog again!

Dinner Time!

Button is 6 months old! Or she will be on Friday. I can't believe she is already half a year old. It goes by so quickly. She is such a good, sweet girl. She can sit up by herself, "talks" quite a lot and is reaching and grabbing for things.  In fact, last Friday we picked up some burgers after Bub's soccer practice and I was holding her on my lap as I was eating and she reached out and grabbed my burger from me and tried to stuff it in her mouth.  I thought that was a good sign she was ready for solids.

I'd heard about a method for teaching babies self-feeding called Baby Led Weaning and had read the book and I knew that is what I wanted to do for Button. For Bub we did the traditional purees and while it was fine it wasn't that much fun and really it only lasted til he was 8 months when he started eating table food. Button is older than he was and she has been avidly watching us eat for about a month now, making the chewing motions. She thinks she is a big girl, wanting to be up there with her brother. So I gave her some bread from my bun and she had a good time getting it into her mouth. Since then she has had cornbread, potatoes, broccoli, snap peas, cauliflower, cucumber and even some alligator sausage! She doesn't eat all of it. Some of it she just sucks on or gnaws on. Last night she had chicken and baby corn and got quite a bit of it down. Her little eyes light up when I put food on her tray and reaches and grabs. It is quite a bit of fun to watch. I am enjoying watching her explore food in a way I never did when Bub started solids. I've had a couple of naysayers but in the end she is having a good time eating, she is working on her hand/eye/mouth skills and generally it has been a good experience so far.

"Back" to Sleep

Button is mastering the art of rolling over. Exciting, I know. This morning when I went to get her for her morning meal she was on her tummy. Now she rolled over for the first time on the floor at her aunt's baby shower at the beginning of August and she has been giving a halfhearted effort ever since. But yesterday I was on the phone with BT and he said she was working hard at rolling over and she did while we were talking. Cut to this morning and she is stomach sleeping. I nursed her and put her down on her back. She immediately rolled to her side, a position she has become comfortable in lately. I peeked in at her before I left for work thinking she would be on her stomach, but no she was still on her side. Then I got a text from BT this morning saying he found her on her tummy too.

I was telling a co-worker about it (she has a 6 month old) and I said that in all the pre-baby classes, they emphasize "back to sleep," putting your baby to sleep on their back. It's a big deal. But they never address the fact that the baby will one day learn to roll over and parents will never be able to keep them on their backs. When my co-worker's son start rolling over I told her not to freak out the first time she sees him asleep on his stomach. She did a little but that's normal. I did when I had Bub. I was so worried because it had been drilled into me "BACK to sleep." But once babies are able, of course they want to make themselves comfortable. So this morning I put my hand down on her to let her know I was there before I picked her up and to check to make sure she was still breathing (paranoia is not something that will ever leave me) and I found myself touching her bottom instead of her stomach. She lifted her head, turned it, sighed and settle back down. I patted her and then picked her and feed her.

So now begins a new phase in our lives where she won't stay exactly where we put her. Mobility is going to be achieved soon. It's both a good thing and bad thing. But at least now she can make herself comfortable when she sleeps.

Advice for new moms

I have a few ladies in my life who are currently pregnant with their first babies. I have a few friends who have recently had their first babies. Occasionally I get asked about this and that because I am on my second baby so I have some experience with this whole thing. I will say that the second time  baby care is easier because you (mostly) remember the things you are suppose to do. Time management is another story. Anyway, I was thinking about what kind of advice I'd really give to a new mom. There are a lot of things I could say. I have opinions on most everything. But really my advice comes down to two things:

This is only applicable to breastfeeding moms. If you don't want to breastfeed, then don't. It will be fine, your baby will be fine, you will be fine.

1. There is a good chance that breastfeeding (especially the first time) will hurt at first. And don't let anyone tell you differently. Hell, it hurt the second time, but not as bad.

With Bub it hurt about 2 weeks but a lot of that had to do with a late milk supply. So he'd nurse forever but without getting very much. My milk didn't come til around day 7. He was starving and he was supplemented for a while. Because he was hungry and there was nothing there he'd suck and suck and the friction and strong suck just killed my nipples. He also got thrush which didn't help. With Button, my milk came right away, but I still got really sore and cracked nipples. It's just something your body has to get use to. Plus she had a lazy latch when she got sleepy and we had to work to correct that.

My point is that breastfeeding does not come easily to everyone and even when it does there still can be problems. If this is a priority make sure you try whatever you can to fix it. If you have to give up do not feel like a failure.  While breast is best, it is luckily not the only food available. Happy moms have happier babies and if feeding time is filling you with dread than it is not good for either of you.

2. This is your baby, not your mom's or your mother-in-law's. Yours and your partner's (if you have one). So while it is helpful to hear what has worked for others it doesn't necessarily mean it will work for you. There are things that most babies like in general but not all babies. Most people like cupcakes, some don't. Babies are the same.  Button is completely different from Bub so I've had to work out new tricks with her.

Relatives mean well for the most part but when it is suddenly your job to take of a new little person, it is hard when they seem to be up in your face all the time pointing out what it feels like you are doing wrong. Those relative do genuinely care for you and your baby. They just can't seem to understand that you are actually old enough to care for an infant yourself.
Also older relatives like to say things like Well, in my day, we used X baby thing and it didn't kill you. Well, you know what? Science, ok. Maybe sometime in the last 30 years things have become more advanced. Perhaps a reduced rate of infant mortality can be explained by the use of, let's say, car seats as well as many other wonderful baby safety items. Just because your kids made it out alive and with all ten fingers doesn't mean a rocking horse on a giant spring is a good idea.

Don't be afraid to stand up and say this is my baby, thank you for caring but I will take care of him/her in the best way I know how. The truth is you know your baby better than anyone. No one else will ever have that bond so you will know what to do whatever may come.

Moments

The important thing is to remember that this moment will not last forever. And that goes in both directions. When someone is being unreasonable, doesn't want to listen or behavior, or go to bed/sleep/take a bath, that moment won't last forever. Eventually that someone will become reasonable and do the things I want them to do. When Button refused to sleep in her crib and cried and cried, I reminded myself that this moment won't last forever and she will sleep in her crib with no problems. It happened with Bub, it will happen with her. When Bub is being a pain and not eating his food, I remind myself that this moment won't last forever and he will eat his food and he will grow and he will be ok. The way I get past bad moments is to remind myself that it won't be this way forever, just right now.

The flip side and the sadder side is that these moment won't last forever. She won't snuggle into me, sighing after nursing, falling asleep satisfied. He won't sit on my lap and tell me I'm the best mom and give me Eskimo kisses. She won't look at him like he is the best thing she's ever seen and he won't look at her with pride forever. I won't get these moments back. So I'm trying to pay attention and remember that, these moments, they don't last forever either. But there are new and wonderful moments coming up that I am not prepared for and I hope that I appreciate them then like I appreciate the ones now.

Nursing in Public

Now I am a big believer in breastfeeding, obviously. But I have a harder time with nursing in public. It's not something I do a lot and never without a cover. I don't have a problem with those who can nurse without a cover. That doesn't bother me though I know it bothers a lot of people. But whatever, gotta feed the baby. Usually the only time I nurse in front of others is at my parent's or my in-law's. Both sets of parents are supportive. But I always use a cover even at their houses. I remember with Bub at my in-law's house I would go upstairs every time and after a while I began to feel isolated. I wanted to be in the company of other people and watch whatever they were watching. So I asked BT if they would mind. No, he said, they won't care. And they never did. Never even blinked. It is very nice to have parents who are supportive especially knowing that a lot of people's mothers or mothers-in-law give them a hard time.

This weekend I went to a baby shower and I knew that Button was going to need to be fed. I thought ok, I am going to be in a room full of people I mostly don't know. But I am fairly good at getting her under a blanket and nursing without it being a big deal. But yeah, she was not quiet about the whole thing and so I don't think it went as well as I hoped it would. I'm pretty sure I flashed the left side of the room when she flailed under the blanket. And it was so hot in there that the second time I tried nursing her she got really mad because she got hot. I hate making people uncomfortable so I hope they were all understanding. No one said anything to me. I'm sure it was fine. I just don't like being so awkward about something that is perfectly natural. And that it is my own hang-up. I need to get over that.

Bean sock

Button was an excellent sleeper as a newborn because that is all she basically did. I was amazed though because Bub never slept when he was a newborn. Too nosy. Anyway, around mid-June (2 1/2 months old) when we were visiting my in-laws, I put Button down in the playyard bassinet area and she slept all night in it. Amazing considering up to that point she'd only ever slept in her swing all night. So when we got home I tried her in her crib and she slept in it all night. This went on for about two weeks. And then she suddenly decided that no, she was not going to sleep in her crib anymore. After a few weeks of back and forth and relying on the swing, I started to try new things.

Luckily I came across this pin for a baby snuggler and a light went off. Maybe when I lay her down the coolness of her sheets was part of the reason she was waking up. So I've started warming a blanket in the dryer and laying it in her crib. And I gave up one of my knee socks to the cause. I bought some cheap white beans and filled the sock. I warm it up in the microwave for one minute and put it in her crib. So far about 5 minutes after I have done this I've laid her down (taking the blanket out obviously) and putting the sock right next to her. Monday, the first night, she was sound asleep and only made a few snuggling down sounds. Tuesday she was awake but very sleepy. She let out a few protest cries but then settled down to sleep and didn't wake up at all. Both nights I took the sock out about 15-20 minutes after she was asleep and she didn't wake up. I think she just needed a little extra warmth to fall asleep and maybe the sock feels more like a warm body. Babies do like to sleep next to someone. Now I can go to sleep at a decent hour. Who knew a sock full of beans would make a difference in my life?

The sock in question. I realized later that I picked a four leaf clover sock. Maybe I was hoping it would be my lucky charm.

Ready to Pop baby shower

My sister-in-law, BT's younger sister, is due to have a  baby late September so this weekend her mom and I threw her a baby shower with a "Ready to Pop" popcorn theme. Let me tell you Pinterst is really my best friend now.

We based the whole thing off of these invitations which we thought were so cute.

I thought a popcorn buffet with four different types of popcorn would be cute. There is a Popcorn Bistro nearby where three of the four popcorn flavors were bought. We had cheese, rainbow, cinnamon toast crunch and white chocolate with M&Ms. I found popcorn tubs at the dollar store and made a matching label for each flavor.

Popcorn Buffet

I also made diaper bouquets in popcorn cups for centerpieces. I got the idea after seeing this pin and thinking that it is really cute. I bought newborn size Target brand diapers since I knew the bouquets would be small and also they are the only all white diapers that I know of in a decent brand. I rolled them up and tied them with clear elastics and inserted a wooden skewer. Then I put a piece of floral foam in the popcorn cup and arrange the diaper "flowers." I added some metallic tissue paper around to cover up the skewers and to make it look pretty. I love the way they turned out.

Close-up of Diaper Bouquet

My mother-in-law made diaper wreath for the front door which turned out really cute. I'm not sure what tutorial she used but the basic idea is here and it turned out really cute. She used size 2 diapers so the new mommy doesn't have to take it apart right away.

Diaper Wreath

Food wise, we had a sandwich tray, brie tartlets, bacon wrapped cocktail weenies, a fruit salad, a very cute shower cake made to match and a popcorn cake. My MIL made some baby cake pops too. For drinks, we had mimosa punch and a non-alcoholic raspberry punch along with the usual sodas.  It was all very good.

Dessert Table

We  hung garland made of baby onesies, socks and a pair of bloomers from the mantle for decoration in the present opening/gathering area. I customized plain white 0-3 sized onesies with designs that I thought the guest of honor would like: an elephant, a cupcake, an airplane (the dad-to-be is a pilot) and the baby's first initial A. I used some of the patterns along with the how to instructions from this DIY onesie party and found the pattern for the plane on google images. There wasn't any good red/yellow fabric in a fabric bundle so I got a pink/green bundle instead figuring that it would be cute on a new baby.

Onesie clothesline "garland"

We didn't do many games. Just present bingo (my favorite) and an envelope pull. Just have each guest write their name and address on a thank you card envelope and pull a winner out of a basket. That way the mommy-to-be doesn't have to address all those envelopes and it makes for a fun quick game. Prizes for this shower were some popcorn cups with shaker of popcorn seasoning. Favors for the shower were microwave popcorn bags with a Ready to Pop wrapper (similar to these). I made a matching Wishes for Baby card for everyone to fill out which will hopefully be a sentimental keepsake.

All in all, I am happy with how it turned out. I think everyone had a good time and it was really cute.

And check out the mommy-to-be's blog Hot Shot Mama for her take on pregnancy and prepping for a new baby.

On breastfeeding my children

I know the hot topic right now is extended breastfeeding and attachment parenting. While I have thoughts on those subjects, it basically boils down to not for me but who I am to judge those it works for. I do breastfeed though. I nursed my son til he was 10 months old and plan on nursing my daughter for at least as long but I'm shooting for 12 months with her. It was a struggle for me with my son. I had problems with my milk coming in so that by the time it did he was supplementing with formula so as not to starve. After that he was mostly fed breast milk and it was a constant worry that I wouldn't produce enough milk to feed him once I went back to work. It was pretty day-to-day sometimes with very little stored in the freezer. My original goal with him was 2 months, but then it became 6 months and then I thought I'd press on til it was time to quit. That came around 9 months. He was going to start daycare and it seemed like a good place to stop. He weaned fairly easily, something I attribute to being use to formula and I was sad to stop but worked for us both.

So far it's been so very easy with the baby girl. She was brought to me while I was in recovery and latched on right away and it's been fairly smooth sailing ever since with my milk coming in right away. She is a great nurser and we have had very few problems. I have a lot of milk stored in the freezer since she does not eat as much as her brother did and I have to pump quite often. So I'm feeling quite good about this nursing experience. I tried to explain why I like breastfeeding my children so much to my sister. I couldn't come up with much more that It's nice. There is something about knowing that I am feeding my baby the healthiest option for her and that I am the one providing her food and that I can do it myself. It is also just a nice feeling I get when I nurse her and she looks so sweet and so full afterwards. It's a feeling that can't be beat.

So I had a baby ...

So I had a baby two weeks ago. I can't believe that it's been two weeks but there is it. She is 2 weeks old and absolutely perfect. She came via scheduled c-section so there was no surprise. When the doctor pulled her out he exclaimed "Look at those cheeks!" and then "look at the size of her chest!" and the whole time I'm thinking that I would like to see those cheeks. She was crying like a mad girl and then they bought her to me and she had the chubbiest chipmunk cheeks and she stopped crying when I talked to her and it was great. I was crying a little because she was finally here in this world and I finally finally got to see her. And it was no wonder I was in pain because she was 8 lbs. 8 oz. and 19 3/4" long. A big baby for little me.

So far so good with her. She is a good sleeper, a great nurser, and just so sweet. Bub seems to really like her and wants to hold her a lot and gives her kisses. The little dog could care less but the big dog worries over her. He reminds me of Nanny from Peter Pan. It is an adjustment having a newborn baby in the house again but she is an easy baby and very content so it hasn't been as difficult as I feared. I'm enjoying being a mother of two so far.