Friday, February 24, 2012

An open letter

Dear every stranger ever: 
I know that I am huge. Between the two of us, I believe that I am more aware of it than you. But thanks for pointing it out. It's what I really needed to hear as I waddle about in pain. I am 5'1" and proportionally short in all areas so there is really nowhere else for this baby to go but out. No, I am not having twins. Have you ever seen someone who was pregnant with twins? I do not look like them. So your unnecessary double take and bugged eye stare at my protruding stomach do not serve any purpose but to make me want to punch you in the face. Think about your words before you say them.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Remember when I was the sole occupant of my body? Those were good times.

So I'm going to have a baby soon. Very soon. In about a month. I'm trying not to freak out about taking care of a new little one and my son. Because he isn't in daycare/preschool anymore (long, dramatic story) and will be staying home with me and baby girl til I go back to work. This is going to be even more of an adjustment for all of us.  But anyway, I was just reflecting on being a mom in the hospital and how quickly the focus shifts from you to the baby. Before, when you are pregnant, everyone is all How are you? all the time in your face and concerned for your well being. Once that baby is out, you are a mere accessory to the baby. I get that people have been waiting to see this kid for a long time and they don't have the bond that you have developed over the last 9 months. Carrying another person inside of you for that long as they develop from a tiny poppy seed size cell to a full blown 8/9 lb person really creates a bond that other people can't understand. Sometimes I feel sorry for my husband because he just cannot know like I know. Also I wish I could take the belly off for a few minutes and let him carry her around while I get some relief. Wishes...horses, etc.

This pregnancy has been more painful than the last. Either I blocked it out or it is just a second pregnancy (for me) thing. I remember being uncomfortable but I am just flat out in pain this time. Hips, back, belly. It doesn't end and there is not comfort being achieved ever. I hit that third trimester and that was that. She is going to a big baby and she is a mover constantly kicking or pushing or rolling around. Little feet or little hands are everywhere. Her favorites places are my ribs or my bladder and I believe she is trying to wedge as much as herself as possible between my hip bones. She uses them as a resting place. How snuggly it can be wedged in my pelvis I don't know? But she loves it. I really could go on a length about my lack of comfort. But the thing I know is that once she is here I might get some physical relief but my level of exhaustion will rise to a degree I haven't experienced in a long, long time. I keep trying to tell myself that. At least I can get more than 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Soon that will be a pipe dream. I know this, but it is hard not to concentrate on the here and painful now.