Pants on Fire

So I didn't follow through at all on the BEDN. Oh well. I didn't really try. That's okay. I'm trying out the motto "It is what it is." It seems applicable to so many things these days. The truth is I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety these days including having some panic attacks. This is a new thing for me. I've always been a worrier but never had such physical symptoms. Don't worry. I'm going to see a doctor next week. It could be related to the tinnitus I've been experiencing for the same amount of time or the tinnitus could be a result of the anxiety. I don't know. I'm working on it. I'm trying to figure out what the triggers are. Feelings of losing something seem to play a part in all of it. Lose of job and income or losing friends have become an general worry for me despite the fact that there is almost no need to worry about any of it. Whatever happens happens and all those clichés. So those are some of the things I didn't want to talk about before. I'm not one to open up about these types of things. It's not in my nature but it's nice to admit them in the open even to the 3 people that may or may not read this. It sucks in a way to need constant reassurance from others that they love me or need me or whatever. It feels needy. But I think everyone wants to hear it sometimes and sometimes you need it more than others. I told my friend, who is going through a rough time, the other day that she was awesome. She said that she hasn't been lately but I'm awesome for saying it. And I replied "We all have things. You just have one right now." It seems I'm having a thing right now too. But everything is going to be okay. I firmly believe that.

Something something

Not doing too well on this BEDN, am I? I can't seem to find the motivation for much these days. I did start working on my 2016 calendar so that's a good creative outlet. Tomorrow I'll try for a real post. Maybe I can mine something I've done in the past for ideas.

BEDN

I had thought I would blog everyday in November. I don't do NaNoWriMo but I can blog. But I missed yesterday so oops. I don't really have a topic for today but as I said last week I'd like to pick up a few things I've been missing lately. We had a lot of rainy weather this weekend continuing into today and that always makes me feel blah. It's incredibly quiet around my office and I think I need some noise or something.

We had a fun Halloween. On Friday, in what is becoming an annual thing, we hung out at the across-the-street neighbor's house with her, her daughters, grandchildren and a few of the other neighbors going trick-or-treating and then hanging outside. It was a good time. Then it started raining on Saturday and hasn't stopped. Bub was suppose to have a soccer tournament but it got pushed back. It was a quiet weekend and I watched 4 movies on Sunday which is almost unheard of but it was very relaxing. I think I needed a relaxing day and torrents of rain will do that. I'm looking forward to some sunshine whenever that comes around again.