So tired

I am so very tired right now.  And I can't breath because my sinuses are acting up and so I'm keep sniffling.  I hope that I'm not getting a cold.  This weekend we had a birthday party and I hope that I didn't catch something.  But I think it is just allergies because the temperature dropped this weekend and the change in weather will often do that.  I don't think these dusty books are helping though.

Introspection on love

I read a book about three teenaged sisters the other day and in it one of the sisters says about their parents that they love each other more than they love their children.  I've been thinking about that.  I remember a few years ago a big deal being made about a journalist who said she loved her husband more than her children and then everyone freaked the hell out.  I think, in the end, no one wants to think that their own parents love someone else more than them.  Because then what does that really mean?  How can you birth someone and not love them best? But children are always expected to go out and find someone else to love and who they will no doubt love more than their parents and it is not only acceptable but encouraged.   Spouses are meant to be with you for the rest of your life.  I can see how someone would feel the way the journalist felt.

But down this line of though lay this: can I really say I love one more than the other?  No.  I can't say I love them equally, my husband and my child.  I can't really quantify the amount of love I have for them.  I love them differently and I love them hugely.  But one I expect to spend almost everyday of the rest of my life with, the other is eventually going to leave me and who I will only see for visits.  It is just that way.  At some point long ago I heard an expression: you're either a mother who is a wife or a wife who is a mother.  The idea of "wife who is a mother" horrified me and I decided to never be one.  But the truth is I am always both at the same time.  I cannot express how it is to love someone that you helped create, that is truly part of you.  But I have also chosen someone to love and that is something else altogether.

Walking along

A picture that I took at our birthday visit to the zoo in December.

All the dogs

My son began to worry in the car the other night about the dogcatcher.  He was worried that he was going to come in the house and take the two dogs.  "I don't want the man to come and take Java and Kona," he said repeatedly.  After finally figuring out he meant the dogcatcher, I explained that the man doesn't come into houses to take dogs and so ours are safe.  "I want to go and get all the dogs in the cages and bring them home."  Aw, I wish we could too.  Bub has a good heart.  Sweet boy.

 

is becoming one of *those* people

Since August I have been doing really well with getting my lazy ass out of bed and working out before starting the rest of my day.  And I am beyond proud of myself because two of my least favorite things are working out and getting out of bed.  But it has to be done and so I am doing it.  Fine. 

But for Christmas we have a two week break at work and I had a plan.  I was going to go outside and walk the big dog every day thus insuring exercise and fresh air and good will for us both.  Alas, it didn't work out (no pun intended, maybe a little).  I only walked that poor dog once.  I feel bad.  I mean I didn't promise him or anything so he didn't know (yes, I know he is a dog).  But I really wanted to do this.  But I had a lot to do the week before Christmas and the week after come to think of it.  So I didn't walk the dog and I didn't exercise either unless you count shopping and cleaning the house (I do).  But I was feeling really sore and achy.  So this morning I did some aerobic Pilates and I feel really good today.  So that was what I was missing.  I think I am becoming one of those work-out people.  That's just great.  I promise I'll try to keep it to myself.

Resolutions

I realized that I didn't make any resolutions.  Last year I resolved to lose weight which I did though I didn't start trying in earnest until the middle of the year.  But still I did alright.  This year I resolve to continue with my fitness routine and to continue to lose weight.  I know how much I need to lose and it is possible to do it by the end of 2011, but I don't know if I really want to do that, especially if we decide to have another baby this year.  I'm just going to continue what I was doing and make a few improvements here and there.

The other thing I resolve to do is to have more patience in life and with my child.  Because this stage of his life is driving me crazy and I need to learn to breath and not yell so much.

So that's it.  Very attainable goals = happy me. 

Happy New Year!

BT and I managed to stay just past midnight and then we went to bed.  We didn't go anywhere for New Year's Eve, just stayed in and played video games and I read a little bit.  Nothing exciting.  But that's ok.  Today we are going to my parent's for New Years dinner which BT is cooking and hanging out.  But right now I'm enjoying a wonderful mimosa.