An acquaintance does this thing called One Word where you choose a word and try to embody that word in your daily life. For example she chose "consistency" for her word last year. I didn't consciously chose a word last year but I would say my word ended up being "appreciate." I've spent the past year learning to appreciate the small moments in life that make it worth living instead of just looking for the big moments. Things like snuggling in bed with my kids or holding Bub's hand in the parking lot or baking cookies with him or seeing Button wrestle her stuffed bear. Small things that I'm afraid I will forget about them or in life in general. So many small memories get pushed aside for larger ones but it's the small ones that make up a worthwhile life, a happy life. I would say that this year I've really begun living in the small moments and appreciating them more.
This year I think I will chose the word "optimism" but I'm not sure if that is right word. What I want to do is feel good about things I have in my life, not just appreciate the fact that I have a job and a house but feel good about my just okay job and my most of the time dirty house. That I can't change anyone I work with but myself. This is a lesson I have to keep learning over and over again because when I don't agree with decision made I tend to rage and get upset about them. But it's really not worth it. I work with some who spend most of their time angry at the senior librarians and their decisions. I don't want to be that person. I've been that person before and I'd rather just be content with what I have. Even when I don't agree with things, I know I won't change them and so I need to not only accept them but to embrace the good things at my job.
On a personal level, most of my home life is fine. There are frustrations as there are with everything but for the most part it is fine. The dogs drive me crazy and the house is always dirty and I can't seem to find the time to do the things that I want to do. But none of that is do or die. Maybe instead of expecting help and forethought from my family I should just accept that they do what they do and just do what I do and called it good. For right now with the jobs that we work and the age of our kids, this might be the best we can do for now.
So maybe the word I am searching for is not "optimism" but "contentment." But not acceptance is a defeatist way but in an optimistic way. Like things are going to be alright just the way they are.