Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Day 26: The oldest (The Grateful Project)

I found a file on a flash drive the other day of photos of Bub from when he was a newborn to about age 3 and I got a little misty. He is about to be 7 and I don't know where those years went. I was watching Button do something toddlerish the other day and I asked BT if he remembered Bub at that age. And neither one of us can really remember. It's like the memories get crowded out and I only have few moments here and there. Sometimes things come back especially watching her. Like when he decided he had to do everything himself at about that age. He was always so cute and he was so chubby when he was little. I look at him now and I wonder where my fat little baby went. He is so skinny now (but still so handsome. Seriously that kid has the best face). And chatty and opinionated and he knows so much. And he is so funny. I love him and I love talking to him even when he is just rambling on and driving me crazy. He is getting so big and I like just hanging out with him and playing games or walking outside.

It's hard to explain how you feel about the oldest. They are your first and, for so long, he was my only. This is the person who made me a mom, who shaped so much of my identity now and who continues to change me as he grows. There are always new stages and I have to grow with him. He is so adaptable and so forgiving of my shortcomings and my failings as a mom. I am thankful that he is who is and that he loves me like he does. I don't know that I could love someone as much as I do him. Like I always tell him "I love you the most" to which he responds "I love you the most too." That will always live in my heart even as I forget the other moments.

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