Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Regrets

I wrote a post for today on The Tooth Fairy. But they are burying BT's grandmother today and it seems weird to post on something so banal when it is a big day for his family. I wish we could have gone. I really wish BT could have gone. It would have bought him some closure.

I had a picture printed of our family that I was going to send to Noni. I had a card. I procrastinated and then finally decided to wait until Bub's school pictures were in so I could send one of those too. His pictures came in yesterday and suddenly I was at a loss and got upset. What was I suppose to do now? I had this stuff for her and now she is gone. And she didn't know that I had stuff I was going to mail her. Like it would have made a difference. Grief is a weird thing. It comes out of nowhere and over these trivial things. So I don't know. I don't know. I do know one day it will be warm memories and funny stories that will always have a mixture of sadness and joy.  It's just a whole lot of regrets and should-haves and could-haves right now.

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